Monday, April 5, 2010

Rawr

Pretty much how I'm feeling. I have the worst writer's block. I'm writing this in hopes that something will magically pop open in my head and the dam blocking my writing-fluids will break. You would think writing a stupid research paper would be no problem... but it is a problem. a BIG problem. I've tried everything. I tried putting the essay off and working under pressure. Nothing. I tried doing other creative things, like scrapbook or take pictures. Nothing. I tried listening to music. Nothing. I tried working in silence. Nothing. I tried writing with the lights off, with them on, with my eyes closed, in my pajamas, after eating, before eating, after sleeping, while wide awake. Nothing nothing NOTHING!

This is frustrating. I have only a few hours left to write and I haven't gotten it yet. My teacher is going to eat me. I'll probably self destruct from not being prepared. This is driving me insane. I sit here and stare at my thesis and all I can think about is summer.

My thesis has nothing to do with summer, though. It has everything to do with drugs and rehabs and jails. But I look at it and think of my sisters, which reminds me of my other siblings, which reminds me of being outside, which reminds me of sun, which reminds me of summer, which takes my mind totally away. I start to remember memories of ninth grade, or of how obnoxious my siblings can be, or of lake powell. I start to imagine what this summer will be like. What school in the fall will be like. What cutting my hair will be like. Then I find that I've fallen asleep and my essay still needs writing.

It doesn't help either that I'm all irritable right now. This essay is probably contributing to the irritability. I just want things to get done. I want my hair to magically poof to how I want it. I want my room to poof clean. I want my essay to poof done. But none of that is going to happen.

I am so stressed... so so so stressed. *sigh*

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