So I decided to not make this blog private because I honestly don't give two hoots about what other people think of my thoughts. They're mine, so deal with it.
Since this blog is mine all mine I wanted to say, leave me alone. I don't mean stop reading, because that would be silly. Read all you want, I'm writing this stuff for you guys. But just leave me be. It's my life, I'm doing it my way. I don't want to live it your way. No you don't know me better than I think you do. Yes, I play this game my way. I know my rules get me to dead ends, but those are my mistakes, my dead ends, my problems. Don't try to fix them for me, or try to tell me what to do to be better. I'll do it my way, because my way is the only way I know of. Your way works great for you, but mine works for me. Eventually my way will have less and less dead ends, but until then, I'm taking the scenic route.
I don't want someone there to tell me how to live because I'm living the best way for me. My way doesn't work for my next door neighbor, or some Chinese person in Asia. My way works for me. Their ways work for them. There are different situations in my life that I've learned to deal with. I deal with them my way. My way does not involve confronting things head on immediately. I prefer the sneak and attack. It takes time to get through a lot of things for me. Hitting it all head on just makes it worse because I eventually shut myself out of it then. So I do it my way. I'll attack it when I'm ready. When I'm ready to accept the fact that my friends are rotten friends then I'll confront them.
When I was younger it took several years for me to come to accept the fact that maybe my mom is planning on doing her own thing that doesn't include me. I didn't act out, or throw a fit over it. I let it go. I moved on. Now that I'm older I'm okay. I'm not happy with her, but it's her life. Her life doesn't need to affect mine.
My "friends" suck. It's true. Most of them can't stand up due to a lack of backbone. But hey, that doesn't mean I need to sit here and let it smash me down. It means I have a chance to grow up, move on and find new friends who can walk along side me or race me to an end. That's what I want. I don't want friends who need to be dragged behind because they can't decide things for themselves. Robyn is a great friend because she has enough backbone for six people I think. =) I love that about her. I want friends like that. Friends who are what the appear to be. Not friends who smile to your face and throw knives at you when you turn around. I want friends who stand up and fight. Heck, I'd be happy if my friends stood up and fought me. That shows character. And until I find friends like this, I'm letting my other friends go. They can go pool with the other spineless people of the world. Sure, I'll be nice, because I can't stand to be flat out rude when someone is in need. But I think I've cried enough over them. I'm growing up and moving on.
My game. My rules. Deal with it.