That was a pouty "mmm" in case you were wondering. The sound of being frustrated. FRUSTRATED AT JERK FACES! okay, maybe that's an over statement... I'm just really frustrated. I'm frustrated at "friends" or old friends or whatever you wanna call them. I definitely wish I could just stop being so nice to everyone. I just can't handle being mean for so long, or so indifferent. I don't want to give them any reason to be rude to me, so I try really hard to just play it nice. I say hi, ask them how they are. Give them a hug. Smile politely. Laugh at their jokes. Tell them to have fun at school and what not. Then they just go around being rude. It's driving me up a wall! They're impolite, they're snotty, they're just...frustrating.
Seriously, I don't hate them. Any of them. I never have. I was hurt before so I got mad. But I never hated them. I promise. And I didn't get mad for no reason. They treated me pretty badly. Now We're all grown up though. We're past that. right? wrong...we aren't. We aren't past that because they still think they're better than me. They still think that hanging out with me is a sin. They think that just because I was raised differently than them they have the advantage. They have two parents, yet they never learned any manners. They're involved with BYU, which is like a free ticket to Heaven, right? No wait... IT'S NOT! It's not any different than going to the U or to UVU or to USU, or even USC! It's just a college! It's someplace to learn. They don't have any sort of advantage over me. We're all just going through life.
I imagine going through life being like a hiking trip. I imagine we're all going the same direction, so we might as well hold on to each other and sing songs or something. We might as well share our granola and berries. Take pictures. Etc. I know for sure that if we were hiking in real life, and someone who was nice to me tripped and slipped off a cliff, I'd reach out to grab them. I wouldn't let them fall. I'd know they were going to come to that cliff because I'd be with them. But I know that if someone was rude to me, I wouldn't hike near them. I wouldn't be there for them when they fell and slipped off a cliff. And what if I was the designated rope carrier? Then they'd be in big trouble, wouldn't they? I know that they people who are nice to me, my true friends will have at least my hand to hold when it gets rough. I know that the people right around me won't fall off a cliff if I can help it. Those other people, the ones at the front of the line that think they're so much better than everyone because they have a BYU shirt on, won't have my hand to hold. I hope they have someone's, but it sure as heck won't be mine.