Friday, April 1, 2011

Get. Over. It.

So I just checked my watch. It's approximately TIME TO GROW UP!

Seriously.

I am not the kind of girl who enjoys being pushed around. You can't easily manipulate me. You can bribe me, but you cannot emotionally abuse me. Sure, putting me down for a week or so works, but after that I do catch on. I'm small, but not stupid.

I'm also not a cookie-cut girl. I am pretty average (which is fantastic!), but I'm not like every other girl you meet. I am not going to fall into your arms swooning. I'm also not going to laugh at everything you say. I'm not going to change my clothes because you think I look better in red. Yes, I wear my hair up. No, I don't usually wear it curly. I dress modestly on purpose and it is not because I am self conscious. Heck, I'd wear short shorts and tank tops in the summer, those are so much more comfortable to wear in the super hot sun. But I choose not to. I am not an object. I am a person. I have feelings and emotions and stories and ideas. Dressing myself in a way that draws attention to my appearance and not my ideas is definitely a bad idea in this business. Again, I am not stupid.

I don't watch movies that are rated R because I have been taught not to. I'm sure there are some good movies out there that are rated R, but I'm not going to sit and watch a ton of them to figure out which ones are good. I'm also not going to sit and watch film after film after film just so I can see how other filmmakers create. I will watch movies, but not every day. That's over kill.

I did grow up non-traditionally. My parents weren't a huge part of my life. Yes, that does hurt me all the time. My sisters were great examples of what not to do. I've sat through many court cases and each of them made me sick to my stomach. I've lost a ton of friends, and when I think about that, my heart breaks all over again. Yes, I do worry that any new friends I make will just leave, and that though thought terrifies me.

I'm not a serious person. Yes, there were times when I was growing up that I did hurt myself or think about dying, but I'm all grown up now. I don't think about those things anymore. I love life! I love my family! I love my school! I love my major! I love my decisions about life! 

Parts of me a kind of mean. I do enjoy it when someone who breaks the rules gets punished. I love it even more when people with problems find help. I love to watch people light up. I love to bask in those persons' happiness. I love when people hug me. I love to hug people. I am a people person most of the time.

I try my hardest to do my best. I make mistakes, but who doesn't? I've made a lot of mistakes before, but there is always a chance to make them better, and I'm getting better at remembering that. I'm also getting better and thinking before I act. It's hard, but I'm getting there.

All of these things make up who I am. If you think you can waltz in here, flash a charming smile and manipulate me, then you're wrong. Logically, you are not the kind of person I am attracted to, sorry. I'm not judging you. I am not better than you. You have made a lot of mistakes in life, and you say you're trying to fix them. That's good! I hope you do fix what you need to! But I am not going to let you tear me down so that you feel better. Sure, I'm insecure at times, but so is everyone. I don't need to prove that I have courage by running around mostly naked or by letting you hurt me. Yes, I can be immature, but for the first time in my life, I can act my age 100%! and I plan to utilize this opportunity to its fullest.

I'd apologize, but I am not sorry for not sleeping with you. I am not sorry I don't let you photograph me in the nude. I am most definitely not sorry that you're manipulation techniques don't work on me. Just remember, connections are everything in this business... Someday, I will be a lost connection.

I am who I am, world! I choose to be this way! If I wanted, I could go out and blow my life and money on things I don't need. If I wanted I could flip my entire life upside down and go for a very scary ride. But I don't want to. I want to live like I am. I want to get married in the SL Temple. I want to marry my best friend, Nathan. I want to be a mom someday. I want to watch the sunset after a long week at work while eating a BLT in Nathan's arms. I want to work for Disney, then the LDS studios. I want to share with the world my thoughts and feelings about the gospel. I am Morgan. I made myself this way.

Get. Over. It.

3 comments:

  1. Hey Morgan I found your blog from one of your facebook statuses...if you don't want me to read I won't! But I am enjoying your writing! That dude sounds like a manipulative jerk, I'd stay away from him. No need to be around toxic people. I like your plans. Yay CA! :)

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  2. Haha, Ali, you can read my blog. It doesn't bother me at all.

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