Thursday, April 7, 2011


I was laying on the couch, attempting to go to sleep for a short three hour nap when my phone buzzes. My first thought was "Yes! Nathan!" My second thought was "Ow, headache!" Then I read my phone and thought "Ugh, Who is this?" Which is what I sent to the person who texted me. Turns out it was Robert. He needed help with a photo assignment.

I gave him the information he needed then when I asked who it was, he was surprised that I didn't have his number in my phone. He asked if I just arbitrarily delete numbers. The answer is No. I don't. The only numbers I have in my phone are family (including Nathan's family), important places (the kids pediatrician, the elementary school, etc.), neighbors, and friends that I talk to often. I don't want my phone full of extraneous numbers. You have to make the cut.

To make the cut you can't be rude. I'm sure I've gotten myself kicked out of other people's address books, and that's just fine. People who treat me like crap are not in my phone for any reason. Another way to make the cut is to be a friend. If you've helped me in anyway (for school, work, or personal matters) then you are in my phone. If all you do is "un-help" me (that's what Braxton said) then you are not in my phone.

Robert asked why I deleted him. I flat out told him because he treats me like crap and I don't want to have anything to do with him. Somehow that didn't exactly come out with the desired effect. He still thinks I want to be his friend. It's like he believes my world revolves around him. Nothing I do seems to get the idea through his head that I don't like him. The more I push him away the more he takes interest in me.

That happens a lot. Many times I have flat out told people that I don't like them and they still think I want to be their best friend. (Let me take a second and define something. Living here in Mormonville, everyone will still try to be nice to you even if you aren't nice to them. It's their way of life out here. That is not what I'm talking about. That doesn't bother me because I've grown up with it and have come to expect and accept it.) It happened a lot in high school. I would meet someone who didn't with me. (Some of them were creepy, most made me uncomfortable.) I would tell them that I didn't really have an interest in being their friend. (I don't see the point in beating around the bush with things like that.) For a week they would leave me alone, but sure enough they would come back and try all over again to be my friend.

I don't know what could be more rude than saying "Hey, I don't want to be friends with you." Yet, that doesn't seem to click with people. On the flip side, I'll be nice to people and help them when they need it. Those people tend to not like me. When I'm nice to people, they start excluding me.

I grew up with a bunch of gals, and I've never picked on them. I've stood up for them and lost friends over it. I helped them when they need it. I don't ask for favors in return. I cheer when they accomplish something. I cry when they are upset. And yet...they still don't like me! I don't get this!

It all seems so backwards. I love it when people are nice to me. It makes me want to be their friend. When Sean helps me in cinematography and takes the time to ask about how I'm doing, that is awesome! It makes me want to work with him more and be his friend. When people *cough*robert*cough* tell me things like "you're immature and scared" I tend to not want to be with them anymore. That seems logical. It's what I was taught growing up!

It makes me wonder if I'm doing things completely wrong. Like am I actually not being nice at all? Maybe it's like in Fight Club where the guy thinks that he's a good guy and his friend is a bad guy when in reality he has completely lost his mind. Maybe I think I'm being nice and then there are times when I am totally out of it and I'm sabotaging everybody!

I think that's possible, except Nathan still loves me...and his family doesn't hate I have no idea.

Everything is just so sdrawkcab...

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