Hey, welcome to my blog!
Note the emphasis on my. This is all mine. My thoughts. My questions. My likes and dislikes. If you have a problem with that, and you don't do well with people's opinions, please just skip to the bottom, enjoy the picture and move along. I'm not trying to be mean here, but I know that since I am LDS and I have a lot of LDS friends/readers, this could get taken out of context and could be used against me somehow. I am entitled to my own opinion and thought process. You're entitled to yours. So if you disagree with me, feel free to let me know, but let's all be grown up about this, okay?
With all that out of the way...
I was reading someone's blog, and then the comments at the end. The blogger talked about how she didn't get into a certain university program. I can imagine that sucking pretty badly. At the end, she shrugged it off and said she was leaving it in God's hands. The commenter told the blogger she admired her faith.
What's faith? The LDS believe it's the hope for and belief in things you can't see. That's a fine definition. With that definition, we can have faith in anything, right? I have faith in the tooth fairy. I also have faith in black holes. I can have faith in bigfoot (I know Derek does).
Religions ask you to put your faith in their god. That's fine. You can put your faith there. I grew up putting my faith there. Everyone asks me how I managed to survive all these years. It's because I had faith in God. I had faith that everything would end in a happily ever after.
After reading that blog, and thinking about how I always believed in a happily ever after, I had to wonder, is faith just a way of coping with life? Life is full of a million different disappointments. We're up and down, all the time. People who use "faith" to cope with the downs, don't seem to fall as far down.
People can argue that having faith keeps people from falling because God helps those who have faith in Him. You could also say that it's a way to just displace yourself from the situation. It's a way of dealing with not so happy events.
I don't really see a problem with that at all. We, as humans, need things to help us cope with life's problems. Sometimes, though, I feel like placing faith in God for an event happening is a bit weird.
Let's go back to my blogger friend. She didn't get into a program that she spent a year or more trying to get into. When she didn't get in, she just attributed it to God having a different plan for her. A lot of people do that. I've done it.
When I had to quit soccer when I was twelve, I was pretty upset, but I figured "I guess there's something else I'm supposed to be doing." I put more time into music. I met Nathan. I graduated with my AS degree. I'm finishing my bachelors here now. Is it a side effect or are all those part of "the plan"? It can really go either way.
I can say the same thing about the last concussion I got. I could say that whatever was going on in my life at the time was meant to change. I wasn't meant to be a grip (not that I'm disappointed by that). Or I wasn't supposed to remember anything. I can say that now I'm on a path to be in production, and I'm going to produce something that changes the world for the better! I don't need to remember the past because it only made me upset and frustrated. Now I have a clean slate (or empty brain...). I can do whatever now! I could do whatever before, but now I can do it easier!
Or I could look at it and say "Well that sucks..." because it does. It sucks a lot. I can keep doing what I'm doing (assuming I'm still doing the same things as before). I can look at both concussions as a bump in the road of life. They're just events that happen. They're not important life changing, God given events. They're human mistakes. They're normal life events.
I can look at them through the faith goggles. I can say that my life is better now, it's on the "right" path. I can think that these events put me on the road to the happily ever after I always wanted.
Have you heard about that theory that if you think about something, and want something bad enough, your subconscious will kick in and you'll get what you want? Those events could be related to that. I want so badly to live happily ever after. I want to wake up everyday and know what's going to happen. I want to have a little check list of errands to run. I want to go to bed knowing I have nothing to worry about. I've wanted that for as long as I can possibly remember (beyond the concussions). Maybe, I wanted this happily ever after bad enough that the opportunities arose to change things, and my subconscious jumped on them. The first concussion set me on the road to meet Nathan, and I had never been happier. The last concussion got rid of all those memories that made me upset; it let me stop worrying about them. Maybe those events that changed the path I was on were just me getting myself where I want to be. Maybe they're God pushing me in the right direction.
I certainly don't. I know that faith is what makes or breaks someone in religion. Someone could easily follow all the rules, but if they don't have the faith that they're asked to have, then everything is for naught and they decide their better off doing things that have the outcomes they can see. That's fine. Having faith is a weird concept. Like I said before, faith is believing in something you can't see, right? That's weird. Why would I base my whole life on something I can't see? Why would anyone do that? Someone says "I saw God, therefore He is real." We didn't see what that person saw, but we're still doing whatever this invisible God says. We don't get what we want, so we say that this invisible God has a plan for us.
Sometimes we don't know what to do in a tough situation, so we put our lives on hold and wait for an invisible God to give us a sign, an answer. Having faith let's us see signs. The bible says we have to have faith before we can see signs. That makes me wonder, do we see signs simply because we're looking for them? Do we see a strange burning bush on the side of the road simply because we wanted to? Do we see the face of the invisible God in our toast because we're looking for it? Do we create it all in our heads? Let me tell you, I suck at those picture things. I have a hard time finding shapes in toast or sunburns or potato chips. Clouds I can do; textured ceilings work great... but God isn't in the clouds or ceiling pricklies.
Did you know that tall ceilings increase the human mind's creativity? I genuinely think that's why cathedrals have vaulted ceilings. You kneel down, beneath this massively tall ceiling and you pray. You look for answers. Your creative juices start flowing. You come up with a solution you hadn't previously thought of. God gets the credit for the architect's work. Or does God really put ideas into our heads?
I have faith, because I want to have faith. I want to believe in something bigger than me that has a plan beyond the suckiness that tends to be life. I want to believe that if I keep my head up, an invisible God will give me a happily ever after where I can cuddle with Nathan all night and wake up in the morning to take care of our kids. I want to believe that all these things I've had to deal with are just ways to make me stronger and a better adult. I just don't have faith in faith itself.
Sorry that post was so ridiculously long. I just had to get it all out. Here's a picture for you: