Monday, February 28, 2011

Book Cover

Check this out:

Would you rather me blog in this size? 

Or is this easier to read? Unless you have REALLY bad screen resolution or even worse eye-sight, this size is much more enjoyable. The large one, to me, feels too loud. But why is that? What makes it better? I can type the same thing in two different font sizes and the bigger one will feel too mean and rough. Font isn't the only victim to this size issue. 

Take, for example, cars. A hummer is much larger than a sedan. 

That wasn't a great image of that, but trust me on it. When I see a hummer while driving my Mazda, I feel really vulnerable. I feel like the hummer could rear up at any second and swallow my little car, and myself, whole... The driver of the hummer could be the nicest and sweetest old man alive, but it's still intimidating. I can't imagine being comfortable with owning a hummer or knowing someone who loves their hummer dearly.

Shoes have this issue as well. It seems that the smaller the shoe the cuter, and no matter how cute the shoe is, it's just ugly when it gets too big. I'm not saying anyone has ugly shoes, because once on the feet, the shoes look just fine. It's just when they sit alone in the shoe store, without feet inside of them, they don't attract me much. The little baby shoes are where it's at. Big shoes seem obnoxious and crowding. Smaller shoes feel so quaint and sweet. (yes, shoes can feel sweet...)

The biggest victim to the size-up mentality is the individual. For example, I am just over five feet tall. My boyfriend is just over six feet tall.

We are both very very sarcastic people. It takes us a lot of effort to be serious sometimes. It's easy to just throw out a teasing remark, especially if we aren't really in a good mood. That alone is a problem, but it is a different problem for each of us.

When I throw out a mean comment (intentionally or unintentionally), people--especially guys--think I'm flirting. No matter how hard I try, I can't come across as genuinely not interested. Sometimes, a comment will slip out when I don't intend for it to (because I genuinely don't mean it), and people just laugh. So I laugh along and explain that I didn't mean to say it.

Nathan will throw out silly comments, and they really will be funny, but someone always thinks he's being rude. We could say the same thing and people would consider him mean and me flirtatious. Being a broad and tall guy, I guess he's intimidating.

To illustrate this example, let me paint you a scenario. A couple of years ago, someone asked Nathan for a ride home. Jokingly, Nathan said no, but intended to seriously take her home. The girl insisted that Nathan was being rude and she hasn't talked to him since...

Yesterday, at church, someone kept asking me out. I told them that I was only interested in being friends and that I seriously did not want to date them. They thought I was being sooooo funny and just kept asking me. I flat out told them no, and they laughed even more and took my rejection as flirtation...

No matter where we are, or what we're doing, people always think Nathan is being mean and that I'm being cute. I don't want to come off as a cute, flirty girl. Not when I'm working on finding a stable job and landing my first film gig. And Nathan doesn't want to come off mean. He has a great sense of humor, and wants people to like him. It's only because of our sizes, too. People can't take me seriously, no matter what I do to be serious, and people don't see Nathan as the nice guy that he is... It's really kind of tragic when people judge a book by it's cover. Some of the greatest books have the weirdest covers.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Time traveling for the purpose of modesty

Please, step right up. Take a trip through time! Please, watch your head as you step into my time machine.

Let's set the time to...1800. Ready? Hold on tight! 

Don't worry, it always makes that sound. For the sake of time, we aren't going to leave the machine. It would take too much effort to round you up again. Let's just pretend this is a people watching safari. Notice how everyone is dressed, particularly the female of the species. Note the long dresses that also come up around their necks. Notice how all wrists are covered and all ankles are securely hidden away. 
Oh! Look over there! In that shop window! A very beautiful, yet sophisticated dress! 

Look how much it would cover! It would be simply smashing if I were it to the upcoming ball! Maybe I'll come back for it when I have time! Right now, we need to dash off to the next century. Early 1900's. 

See, I told you it always makes that sound. 

Continuing on our people safari, you may notice that it is summer time. Look at all those women on the beach!

Look how they're just soaking up the fun and sun. One thing you may want to make a note of is their bathing suits. Notice how we can't see their stomachs, nor can we see their breasts hanging out of their tops. I wonder if men find that attractive--oh wait a second, if they didn't find this attractive then I wouldn't be here! Duh! For a second there I forgot that showing skin isn't the only way to attract a male. 

As much fun as this is, we need to be moving on. Let's jump up to 1980, three decades ago. 

Don't worry, that gets less annoying the more you ride in this beast. 

Oh gosh, I feel like I've stepped into the play-doh factory. Why is everything neon colored? Does anyone else need sunglasses just to look at the people? 

Let's try to look past the funny colors and focus on the people. Oh, Look! Normal colored people! Quick! Pull out your camera! They're posing!! Thanks to our futuristic digital cameras, we can see the picture I snapped. 

Hmmm, this is quite the contrast from the dress we saw in 1800. Look at all their ankles, they ought to be ashamed. Although, that appears to be the least of their worries. I can see 90% of one gal's legs, and 90% of another gal's upper half. 

Let's stop and think for a moment. You're alive, right? You have parents, right? And they have parents? And they have parents? And they have parents? And they have parents? Back in 1800, a man fell in love with a woman. I imagine the woman was dressed in a dress similar to the gold one that we saw. They passed in the street, or danced at a ball, and the man saw the woman's face. Her eyes sparkled, reflecting small bits of gold from her dress. He hair framed her cheeks beautifully, and the man became infatuated. They courted, and every time he saw her, she was wearing gown after gown that emphasized the beautiful color in her cheeks and eyes. Eventually, they were married and had children. 
Jumping ahead one century, the great-great-great-great grand daughters of that couple went to the beach. They wore their cutest swim attire, and laid out their blankets. They snacked on carrots and lathered up in sunblock. Their legs, from their knees down, got tanned perfectly. Their faces were protected by their umbrellas and hats. Men walked by and whistled at their gorgeous faces. The women winked and giggled. Later one of the men would ask one of the women out. When they went on their first date, she wore a skirt that came down past her knees, and a shirt that let a small portion of her collarbone peek out. This outfit revealed a lot less than her beach attire, but the man didn't notice. All he saw was her pretty face and winning smile. Sometime down the road, the two got married and had children. 

Those children had children who had children who had children who posed for our pictures. The women walk down the streets, strutting their stuff. The men follow. The women hike up their skirts to reveal a little more leg than the gal next to her, who responds by showing a little more cleavage. The men eat it up. The woman who bares the most skin wins the grand prize of a greedy man! They bare children which we will now see in the nineties! 

maybe next time you should bring earplugs. 

Let's look at the women of the nineties (don't worry, I grew up then too...).

These guys must be used to posing for people, they bring their own backdrop! (I knew actors were good for something!) The gal in the red has more leg showing than I have in height! And that looks conservative compared the the blond. What's sad is, in 1990, 4.7 marriages in every thousand ended in divorce. That's 4 more than necessary. The poor couple that got together in 1980 probably ended in divorce... 
The divorce rate for 1800 was 0 in every thousand. In 1900 it was less than one (how that works, I'm not sure). It seems there is a trend. The more skin revealed, the more divorce rates increase. Let's move on to 2000 and see if the trend follows. 

Remember this decade? I do, well sort of. I remember that it was the decade with the most head injuries...for me. 
Let's observe some strangers now, shall we? Oh look! Prom season! That must be the prom court from this year. 

The first thing we may notice is how the girl in the green looks like a genie. Her dress is actually in two pieces. The girl next to her is missing the back of her dress. The girl next to her is revealing more cleavage than should be physically possible. The girl in the white also has a two piece dress, but you can only see her back revealed. The girl next to her is also half genie. 

It seems that for each inch of length, they took out an inch of torso coverings. This would work out if they were taking those inches from excess areas and making the dresses simply fit better. Instead, it seems, they've taken the most they could from places that you don't need to take it from. 

These girls are showing more skin than their parents in 1980, wouldn't you agree? Statistics state that marriages dropped by almost 1%... the divorce rate decreased by less than .5%... Proportionately speaking, the divorce rate increased. More skin, more divorce. 

Let's go back home to our decade. 

Oh, it's good to be home. 

I think you should close your eyes for this decade. (I attempted to look up photos, but most of them were a little to ris-kay for my blog.) You've seen girls dress these days. 

This winter was one of the coldest ones I can remember. I was really well bundled up. I went to school though, and it seems that most of the girls missed the memo about the snow, and how it was below zero outside. I frequently saw (and still see) girls wearing skirts that barely cover their bums, tights that reveal more than conceal, and shirts that wouldn't pass as rags at my house. In short, no pun intended, there is a lot more skin being shown, per square inch, than there are calories in a big mac.

We've heard the stats many times before. The divorce rate is at around 50%  I believe. It's almost as if people just toss a coin in the air and call it. It's no longer sad, it's scary. 

The amount of skin showing has increased dramatically from then to now. A woman's face used to be her biggest asset, now silicon implants are a gal's biggest asset. Marriages used to be the most sacred of covenants. Now they're meaningless. A man can be married to the same woman for nearly thirty years and decide that the new generation of adults baring all their skin are more worth his attention. A divorce happens. Teenage girls go to school wearing clothes that wouldn't cover a barbie just to attract the attention of boys who can't control their testosterone levels. These boys jump at the chance to be with a girl like that because their minds are the size of peas and their testosterone does the thinking for them. They eventually marry, but for the wrong reasons. Soon thereafter, they get divorced. 

There are no official statistics on immodesty and divorce, but it's sort of obvious.

Monday, February 21, 2011

"My life is such a dramedy."

Raise your hand if you've said that. Raise your other hand if you've heard someone else say that.

I hate to burst your bubble, but that statement is the single most annoying statement to me.

(By the way, you can put your hands down now.) The fact that someone thinks it's cute and clever to say "dramedy" feels sort of immature. Life is what it is. If you're life is a "dramedy" then so is mine, and my nieces', and my nephew's, and my sisters', and my brothers', and my professors', and the man down the road's, and the old lady next door's. Life has it's ups and it's down, therefore, your life is like my life in that sense. We all live in what you call a "dramedy."

Secondly (yes, I know there wasn't a "firstly"), "dramedy" is what marketers call a romantic comedy. Which is not a comedy at all. Essentially, there are three types of movies in the film industry: comedy, melodrama, and tragedy. A comedy is not always funny. A melodrama is not always dramatic. A tragedy is always tragic. Every movie can be divided up into one of those three categories. EVERY MOVIE.

Comedies are defined by no change in the main character. The main character will be given every opportunity to change, but won't. The first comedy I saw, and knew it was a comedy, was Cat Ballou. A more popular example of this is True Grit. Seinfeld is another example. The main characters are hit with opportunity after opportunity to change, but do not. In the end, they are the same as at the beginning. In True Grit, Jeff Bridges character is still a crazy lazy shooter, despite what he went through. These don't have to be funny. Comedy does not mean funny. True Grit had funny parts, but you weren't falling out of your seat with laughter.

In a melodrama, the main character changes. "Romantic Comedies" tend to fall into this category. Melodramas don't always have to be dramatic. They can be silly and fun or even serious and dark. Melodramas are a lot more popular than comedies. Tron Legacy was a melodrama. As was A Few Good Men.

Tragedies are even more rare than comedies. Tragedies happen when the main character doesn't change until it's too late. In a melodrama, the main character changes right before it's too late. In a tragedy, they don't change and then it becomes too late. The Man Who Would Be King is a perfect example of that.

Given the explanations, a "dramedy" is a contradiction within itself. Life can go through stages. Sometimes your life might be a comedy, if you never shape up at school or work. Once in a while, it's a tragedy, if you lose that guy because you just couldn't stop partying. Most of the time, it's a melodrama, you realize you're controlling and apologize right before she walks out on you.

Most of you won't care about these explanations. The marketing departments have you all well trained to understand that "comedy = funny." You won't ever think twice about which category a movie falls into. Heck, I doubt you'll remember this after you shut the window. But I do. I think about it every single time I watch a show or movie or see the word "dramedy." I wrote this mostly for myself because I really dislike it when people say things like "dramedy." I want to say I dislike it when people are immature, but then again I have moments like that, I just don't flaunt them.

All in all, if you say your life is a "dramedy" I would bet my car that you're life is going to soon become a tragedy.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Silver Lining

Remember Eeyore? The cute donkey from Winnie the Pooh that was always gloomy and sometimes a little rain cloud followed him?

That's how today felt. First off, it's Thursday. I hate Thursday. Five hours of work? Pretty much worthless (except for the money once in a while). Second, my laptop has been down. It's been struggling with memory issues. (Right now, it's working.) Third, my hard drive for the mac lab went missing. Thankfully, I turned my project for Paul's class in, but (and this is a big but) my project management homework was all on there. I went back for it today, and it wasn't there...or in any of the lost and founds... and my teacher didn't pick it up.

I felt sort of hopelessly lost. My computer contains my homework for cinematography and photography and my drive contains my homework for my essentials class and my project management class. That's four out of five classes. Not just any classes either, the four important ones! I was feeling a little...angry and stressed.

Work was miserable, as always, but I managed to rough through it...

I don't really know how to describe all the feelings running through me. I wanted to hunt the kid who has my drive and demand it back, followed by kicking him in the shins. I wanted to quit my job so I could find my drive. I wanted to text myself back in time (yes, that thought really did come into my head) so I could save my school career. I even contemplated joining the circus, but the thought of seeing lions and not being able to make images from them was depressing. My entire life had just slipped out of my hands and I couldn't grab it. There was no way I could change anything, and I suddenly felt very very tiny in this huge world...

Thankfully, Nathan was still there for me. He always is. He kept telling me everything would be okay, and that he loves me. That alone made me feel much better.

Before leaving for home, I checked back with Paul to see if he might have come across it. He said that he hasn't and that Bob sent out an email telling all the professors to keep an eye out for it. Paul also told me that Bob is going to look through the security tapes to see who may have taken it. That statement alone made me feel really good. My professor is going to go out of his way to help me save my school and future career. That means he likes me. That means he thinks I have potential.

When we got home, Nathan cleaned my memory (which is different, very different, than cleaning my clock). He found a really large dust bunny. I tried my laptop, and it worked! It worked!!!

Now I'm able to work on my gift that I need to finish. I can do my photo homework, as well as my cinematography homework. Nathan still loves me. And Bob believes in me!

Even if I don't find my drive, I know it'll be okay. I learned a lot today. I learned that I need to tie my hard drive to myself, that love is very nice to have when all else seems cold and lost, and my professors believe in me. Despite all the problems, life is okay.

and if you see my drive, it's blue, says Iomega and is the size of a passport. oh, and it's got silver lining. ;)

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day

There are a number of things on this planet that drive me crazy. There are also a number of things on the planet that make me grin. Today, both of those categories collide. VALENTINE'S DAY!

Let's have a brief history lesson, shall we? Don't worry, there won't be a test. St. Valentine was a priest in Rome between 200 and 300 A.D. St. Valentine helped many Christian couples get married. He also aided them when they were to be executed. He was a compassionate man. The emperor of the time took a liking to Valentine, despite all the laws he broke. Valentine, however, tried to convert the emperor which landed him in a catacomb to be discovered many decades later.

As all things go, facts were lost and stories were spun to patch the holes. The basic idea of love remained for many years, but is now being treated wrongly. The king who ruled at the time of the discovery of the body of St. Valentine dedicated the fourteenth day or February to the memory of the saint. He made it a day to remember love and compassion for each other (because naturally, we can't do that on our own).

Valentine's day eventually became commercialized. Where it once memorialized compassion and love for those around us, it now serves as a day single people dread. Yes, St. Valentine married Christian couples, but he did it because of love. He never gave up his religious beliefs because he loved God. He loved mankind and dedicated his life to helping them.

Somehow, I don't think St. Valentine would be proud to be associated to a day that people call "Single awareness day." People think it's clever and witty to wish people a "Happy Single Awareness Day!" It doesn't make me smile, it makes me sad.

I feel bad for people who believe that they cannot give or receive love unless they have a spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, or someone of that type. It's sad that they feel this day is not for them. Growing up, I always associated today with loving my family. My grandma always wishes me a Happy Valentine's day, my dad tells me he loves me, and the kids give me darling notes that remind me of how loved I am. It didn't occur to me until late in high school that Valentine's day is not what it used to be.

The single people who feel lonely aren't the only sad part of today. The commercialization is worse. The fact that people feel the need to break the bank to prove their love is depressing. Even though that means money in our economy, it's sad to think that love is now a material object. You can put a price on love now. Love is infinite, and intangible. It's beautiful but simple. It's sweet and it's warm. It's not a diamond, nor is it a bracelet. It's not a bouquet of roses, or a box of chocolates. It's a passion, a feeling, an unseen connection. Nathan and I celebrated on Saturday. He made me a dinner. It was wonderful. We ate (the best chicken Parmesan ever) and watched our latest TV obsession. I would have been perfectly content without dinner. Just knowing he loves me is enough. Knowing that my family loves me is enough.

This Valentine's day isn't over. It's probably a good idea to let your friends and family know how you feel. Tell them you care. Share your compassion. =) I love you!

Saturday, February 12, 2011

"Sam I am"

(Not to confuse you, but I'm really not Sam.)

We all know about Hitler, correct? That psycho German dictator that killed millions of innocent people? The one with the funny mustache? Have the picture in your head? Good. Hitler was after a certain type of people. He wanted the whole world to be comprised of the Aryan race. (Which, oddly enough, was not what he was.) He thought other people were simply worthless pieces of crap that happened to infest this poor planet. (Imagine that said in German.) Basically, everyone reading this blog at this time was not what Hitler prized in a person.

Hitler believed he could make everyone exactly the same. Today, we can see just exactly how ridiculous that is. First off, not all blond-hair, blue-eyed people are Aryan. In fact, India Indians are of that race. Funny, right? Second, not all Aryans are great workers...therefore our planet wouldn't function any better anyway. The basic point is, not everyone can be the same. It's impossible.

Even though it's impossible, society still influences us to all be the same. Now, I'm not saying that society = Hitler. It doesn't, but it does resemble that mentality a little. Exiting a store, you see all sorts of magazines advertising "great looks" and "how to be a good girlfriend!" Television throws images at us (at 24 frames per second) that send us messages such as "we need to look like that to be cool." Movies are just as guilty. Actresses are all tall and beautiful and perfect. We can't go anywhere without feeling like we are not good enough. Everywhere we look we're being told that we aren't what is "desired."

There's been a movement going on, mostly unsuccessfully, that helps women feel better about what they look like. Society, like Hitler, focuses on appearance, not on what's inside (deep inside). Although that is implied. It's important that everyone, including males, are comfortable with what they look like. After all, God knew exactly which two people contained the right DNA to create YOU!.

But appearance means nothing unless we are comfortable with who we are inside. There is no way in this world that we can all think exactly the same, or act the same, or even want the same exact things. Men can't all prefer work over video games, nor can they all be okay with cars that don't cost more than their houses. Women can't all be independent, nor can they all be completely nurturing.

Yes, I believe that we should all be comfortable by ourselves and more independent before we find our soul mate, but some people just cannot do it. I read this blog just barely (because that's what I do) and in it, the girl just broke up with her boyfriend. It was for the better, as much as it may suck. She mentions that she has always been independent but can't seem to not want a relationship. She says she shouldn't depend on a man, and a man shouldn't  depend on her.

I understand how she feels, but at the same time, I can't help but wonder why she said shouldn't. We are all created equal but different. We are all given talents and strengths as well as weaknesses and troubles. This girl may feel the need to be independent, but maybe she can't do it without knowing she has support from a man if she needs it.

For example, I grew up without parents in my life. I didn't depend on them at all. I couldn't count on them, so I didn't depend on them. Growing up, I've tried to only depend on myself. There is no reason for me to need to depend on someone. I mean, what if they don't follow through? I also don't always understand why anyone would depend on me, what if I don't follow through? I depended on a friend one time, and that left me really not so okay. I didn't want to depend on anyone again. But it was pretty clear that I needed some sort of support so that I could feel independent again. That's when Nathan came in. He gives me security and support that makes it so I can do things without worrying. I can go introduce myself to producers and hope they don't hate me. I can go to my classes and work really hard and know that if I fail, he will still hold me up.

Sometimes that's what we need. Some people need support. Some people don't. We are not all the same. We can't even begin to be the same. We can't all not get jealous when our friends pick someone else over ourselves. We can't all smile when it hurts. We can't all be open and share our feelings with other people. We can't all work hard, we can't all play hard, we can't all be tidy, we can't all remain quiet. We each have strengths and weaknesses that form combinations unique to us. There are other combinations that fit with us, thus making each relationship you have special. Advice in magazines cannot help us be us.

There is no reason for anyone to be told they are inadequate. No one can tell us that we don't belong. Our unique combination of talents, strengths and weaknesses make us different from those around us. While someone may try to tell us that we are not snowflakes, we are. And we can sure as heck rain on their parade. ;)

I am Morgan. Who are you?

Friday, February 11, 2011

"Control is not Love"

I don't know if you've seen that poster in the hallways, but it's always been the butt of jokes at OHS. It's advertising help for people in controlling relationships. When you think about it, it's a very serious poster, and not something to joke about.

Control is not Love. It's a fact. It's not a fact that everybody may understand, and it isn't one that anyone wants to think about. As humans, we feel that we control the world. We try to control everything. We control where certain animals live. We control where other humans live. We control what goes into our bodies, and we control (most times) what comes out. We control business, politics, nations, waters, and wars. What we don't control, is each other, and the choices others make.

We didn't control when we were born. We didn't control where we grew up. We didn't control our parents actions when they left us, or loved us. I didn't control my father when he left. I didn't control my mother when she disowned me. Robyn didn't control her sister's decision to not pay for her study abroad. Rachel didn't control me when I decided I'd had enough and "unfriended" her. Nathan didn't control his mother when she decided to leave their family in pieces. There are things that happen to us that we cannot control. The only thing we truly control are our own actions.

There are times in life when it feels like the world is spinning out of control entirely. Sometimes it feels like the everyone on the planet is only making life harder. It feels like everyone is pushing away from you. It feels like there is nothing you can control, so you try to control things you can't.

I've been there, I know how it is. The whole world is just full of people who cannot be contained or controlled. People around you make decisions that leave you in a wake of confusion and pain. You come to realize that the one thing you can control is yourself. When you realize it, you begin to hope that by controlling yourself, others will do things to stop hurting you. The most common way for people to control themselves is to hurt themselves.

Often times, girls become anorexic because it's the one thing they can control. They can't control their friends who seem to live life without them, but they can control what enters their bodies (or doesn't). That's the only control they feel they have.

They starve themselves until their ribs threaten to rip the skin. Their faces become dark, and empty. Little living skeletons, they become fragile both physically and emotionally. Controlling themselves this way only makes matters worse. They begin to lose control again as their bodies shut down and people don't know how to handle it. Even the simplest displays of affection become twisted and damaged in their eyes. Someone who holds them close is seen as someone trying to trap them.

More and more, they long to be free. They long to be free of people who try to control them. They long for chance to fly, to feel okay again, to live. Their bodies become their trap, their cage, their leash. The desire to control themselves becomes a drug. They can't stop, they don't want to stop. They want to feel like they have power over at least one thing.

Over time, it wears them down. They become lost. They become hurt.

As they tear themselves down, they're building themselves up. They feel powerful. They feel the anger rushing through their sick veins. They've finally gained control over something.

Dozens of emotions run through their frail bodies. Anger, hate, power, loss, hope, sadness, confusion. But there is one thing they don't feel, they cannot feel. Love.

There is a belief of love in their minds. "I do this because I love myself, and I want to look my best." But all they feel is an empty little hole that should be love. They don't love themselves.

To love someone is to accept them for who they are. People have faults, but to love them means to work past those faults, and encourage the person to make those faults into strengths. To love someone is to let them make decisions, and to stand by them through the consequences. That's how marriages work (so I'm told).

If relationships between two people means acceptance and trust, then the same goes for a relationship with yourself. To truly love yourself is the greatest feeling in the world. When your parents love you, they take care of you. They provide you with the things you need. When a boyfriend/girlfriend loves you, they stand by you and try to make your days sunny (even when all you want to do is be upset). When you love you, you take care of yourself, you accept yourself as you are, you smile at your own accomplishments. When you love you, you gain a whole new power that cannot be compared to anything else.

You don't tear yourself down when you love yourself. You wouldn't tear down your best friend, would you?

When you love yourself, you allow yourself to smile. When you love yourself, it's hard for everyone around you to not love you. The more you prize yourself, the more others treasure you. Life cannot be controlled.

Control is not love.  Stop controlling, start living.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

The low-down

Alright, I already posted today, but this is important.

In case you didn't notice, I changed the look of my blog. The old background, which I loved so much, disappeared. So I found a new one. I'll give you a quick run down of why I chose what I did.

BACKGROUND: I was originally going to pick something a bit less feminine, but then I found this pink one, and I fell in love with it. It makes me feel comfortable, and it's "trendy" (which makes me "cool"). I decided that if guys have a problem with how it looks then they should inform me so I can inform them that life doesn't revolve around them.

HEADER TITLE: Well it's my name. So that was a no-brainer. I chose the font though because I wish my cursive looked half that great.

HEADER PICTURE: That was taken in Palmyra, Joseph Smith's house. That was less than one year after Nathan and I got together. Look how far we've come! =)

and that is that. If you can't see my blog, you're really missing out. It's adorable.

No kiddin'

I was just sitting here, at my desk (dying of pure, unadulterated boredom) when a thought occurred to me. When people tell you "I do what I want, when I want, how I want" you can say "so do I."  In reality, everyone does what they want, how they want, when they want.

For example, right now, I'm at work. I'm not enjoying it here, but I still choose to be here. "I do what I want": go to work. "how I want": begrudgingly. "When I want": Right now until five. Another example? Alright. Right now you are choosing to read this post ("what you want") at this moment ("when you want") curiously ("how you want").

That's just a fancy way of saying "I exercise my agency." People use it all the time, however, when talking about making choices that are "different" than other people. "Oh? You don't drink because you're Mormon? Well I do what I want, when I want, how I want." or "Oh, your wife doesn't want you to go out so much? Well I tell my wife that I do what I want, when I want, how I want."

The cold, hard truth is, you do it too. You're constantly making decisions. You choose to follow rules all the time because you're scared of the consequences. You choose to speed on the freeway when heading home because you're tired. You choose to be responsible. You choose to party. You choose.

Not only do you choose to do things, but you choose what attitude you take into it. You choose the tactic to which you'll carry out your choice. No one is forced to do anything, ever. You choose to do what someone demands. You don't have to. I don't have to sit here at work if I don't want. You don't have to read the scriptures, or pray. You don't have to do anything.

You're entire life has been lived by doing things that you want, when you want, how you want.

I can't believe it took me that long to figure it out...

More HDR

Friday, February 4, 2011

ABC wasting time at work

A - AVAILABLE:  nope
B - BIRTHDAY: October 14
C - CRUSHING ON:  Nathan
F - FAVORITE SONG AT THE MOMENT: Right now I'm just into Boys like Girls
I - IN LOVE WITH  Nathan
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: Boston to Orem
M - MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Can't drink them
O - ONE WISH:  I'll be able to get all my projects done this weekend
R - REASON TO SMILE: Getting projects finished
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: It's the Climb by Miley
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP:  6:00 am
V - VEGETABLE(S): carrots and peas
W - WORST HABIT: taking on too much
Y - YOYOS ARE: painful unless you use them correctly
Your favorite number: 8
Least favorite color:  purple or orange
What are you listening to: The hum of the air duct
Are you happy with your life right now: Yes! 
What is your favorite class in school: um... all of them?
Who are your best friend(s): Nathan (and ben if I had to pick two)
Are you outgoing: I can be
Favorite pair of shoes: Slippers
Can you dance: It's against my religion.
Can you whistle: Unless I'm put on the spot, yes
Cross your eyes:  yes
Walk with your toes curled: Why would you need to do that?
Do you believe there is life on other planets:  Intelligent life? like humans? On very very distant planets. 
Do you believe in miracles:  yes
Do you believe in magic:sometimes
Love at first sight:  nope.
Do you believe in Santa: ;)
Do you know how to swim :  Yes, sort of...
Do you like roller coasters: Ya know, I don't really know
Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows: um... probably not
Have you ever been on a plane: yes, to boston
Have you ever asked someone out?:  yes
Have you ever been to the ocean: yes, but it was cold...and gloomy, and cold.
Have you ever painted your nails: yes

THE WHATS                                  
What is the temperature outside: really really cold
What radio station do you listen to: Whichever doesn't have commercials
What was the last restaurant you ate at:  um... huh... I don't remember.
What was the last thing you bought: um... food i think, no wait, a phone.
What was the last thing on TV you watched: um... I don't do a lot of tv watching

Who was the last person you IM'd: nathan
Who was the last person you took a picture of:  Nathan

Ever really cried your heart out:  well my heart is in my chest still... so... 
Ever cried yourself to sleep: yes
Ever cried on your friend's shoulder: yes
Ever cried over the opposite sex: yes
Do you cry when you get an injury: depends on the injury. I don't think I do all that much.
Certain songs that make you cry:  in the arms of an angel, and one of the songs off freaky friday...i can't remember the name
Are you a happy person?: Yes.

What is your current hair color:  brown

What shirt are you wearing: plaid flannel
Pants: Arizonas
Shoes: slippers
necklaces: the one Nathan gave me two years ago


Favorite eye color: green
Short or long hair: short
Height: tall.

Been to jail:  to visit, never to be booked
Thought about suicide: once.
Laughed so hard you cried: yes.
Cried in school:  nope.
Thrown up in a store: right outside of a restaurant.
Wanted to be a model:yes,
Seen a dead body:yes
Been on drugs: nope


Pepsi or Coke:   pepsi, hands down
McDonald's or Burger King : nuggets from Mickey-D's
Single or Group Dates: Dates with Nathan.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Strawberries or Blueberries: Strawberries

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Clean up on aisle 2

I don't know what is in your vending machines, but if you wander around UVU campus, the drink machines contain drinks such as Mtn. Dew, Pepsi, lemonade, juices, energy drinks and neuros. They're expensive, well a dollar twenty five... spending that much each time you need a drink gets costly (yes, I know water bottles exist, but I don't like water bottles).

Yesterday, I really wanted a soda, and Chan really wanted some Sprite, so I went to the grocery to buy some. After wandering around, I found the drink aisle. The first half is dedicated to liters of bottled sodas. The center islands are dedicated to cases of canned sodas. The second half is the chilled drink section. I grabbed a 2 liter of Sprite and went for the cold drinks for myself.

Just as grocery shopping is a bad idea to do on an empty stomach, so is drink shopping when thirsty. I meandered down the little fridge section, gazing at all the options. Two thirds of the case were purely energy drinks. My eyes naturally just skip those shelves now. I noticed a couple of shelves of bottled waters that claimed to have magical powers such as "increases metabolism!" but none of them promised to cure my thirst. Besides, carbonated water is just disgusting.

After eliminating a good portion of the drink section, I was left with fruit smoothies that contain milk, and juices that are more expensive than the shoes I'm wearing. Neither of those were really for me: lactose intolerant and poor.

I decided I'd just grab a Dew and go home, but something caught my eye. Right there, wedged between gross bubbly water, and "canned sleep" I found neuros! Neuros haunt me from the vending machine every day. I've always wondered what they were. They come in awesome bottles, so it must be an awesome drink.

The first thing I noticed when looking at them was the different names each one had. "Neuro Bliss", "Neuro Sleep", etc.

I went for the "neurobliss" because it's easily the most eye-catching. This drink promised to increase my memory and other brain functions. It sounded just perfect! "Intelligence in a bottle!" After reading the label, I checked the ingredients. It all sounded very scientific. Then there were warnings. In most cases, a drink that needs a warning is not a drink I'll be partaking of. If the warning on a drink is something along the lines of "Contains soy" or "Contains lactose" or "Manufactured in a plant that also manufactures peanuts" that is fine (the first and third being more fine than the middle).

This drink contained the soy warning, along with two other warnings. "Do not drink Neuro if you're pregnant or nursing" and--this really got me--"Don't allow children to drink Neuro." What could be in a drink that promises all sorts of brilliant outcomes that isn't healthy for children? And why would I put something in my body that I wouldn't put in a child's?

I realized right there that I don't want to have anything to do with those drinks.

I stood back and looked at the mini-macro fridge or beverages. Two thirds were energy drinks that have more caffeine than one person needs in a lifetime. One sixth were magic waters that could help me "shed those extra pounds" but not cure my thirst. One twelfth were expensive juices that make no promises except to help my wallet "shed those extra pounds." I realized that our society has become really, really messed up. We can't just go to the store and buy a simple soda without needing to take out a separate loan, and plain ol' H2O is apparently too boring, now we need magic, cure-all water!

I think it would be more beneficial in the long run to invest in a portable drinking fountain.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Gimmics and Fads

In case you didn't know, it is approximately two degrees below zero outside. Luckily, we're out of the reach of the huge blizzard due to hit most of the USoA. The lack of snow, however, doesn't make it any less freezing out. Shockingly enough, people are covering up because of this weather. Everyone is bundling up! Amongst all these bundles of people, I've noticed a new fad. The poofy, black, bubble jacket.

 A lot of fads stick to one gender each. For example, the "pants on the ground" fad was limited to guys only. This fad isn't limited to any one gender. The jacket featured above is a men's jacket. The women's version comes in all lengths. I've seen them as small as half jackets and as long as trench coats.

This fad only came on recently as well. Back in 2010 (because that was a long time ago), bubble jackets were a rare sight. Now that the torturous cold has come in with January the bubble jackets are here.

I came up with two reasons why these jackets are so popular. It took a lot of sleepless nights to figure it out, but I've got it.

One explanation sparks from a commercial. The head and shoulders shampoo commercial to be exact. It begins with a beautiful woman walking down the street and a narrator reads "Black is always flattering. MYTH." Then the camera zooms out to reveal the beautiful model wearing an incredibly shiny black bubble jacket.

The idea is that the model is supposed to look ridiculous. I think that backfired. I think people saw this extremely attractive female walking down a crowded road wearing a bubble jacket and thought "Hey, she's gorgeous, so, naturally, if I wear that jacket I'll be gorgeous too!" I decided this because all the bubble jackets I've seen are black, like the one in the commercial.

After deciding that, I realized that commercials don't tend to have a reverse impact this large and sweeping. The commercial, however, combined with another concept could be the answer. But what could cause people to want to wear such large, in-your-face jackets? It would need to be something else that is large and in-you-face. That pointed me directly to 3D films.

3D films are the latest, and supposedly greatest, film gimmick. Motion pictures have always been trying to compete with TV. TV is much more convenient and cheaper than hitting the theaters. Back in the fifties, cinemarama (I think that's the term) was a big thing. That meant the screen was exactly 180 degrees. TV couldn't do that. Chalk one for the films. But that soon got old. Then, after many other gimmicks, along came 3D.

3D came, and went, many times. Now, it's back. It's unclear whether it will stick this time, or not. Either way, we're stuck with it. And now it seems to be affecting our daily lives.

We, as a society, can no longer handle plain old 2D. Clearly we live in a 3D world, but that doesn't seem to make a difference. After Avatar came out, people made comments such as "I wish our world was 3D." Our minds obviously don't process the real world like they used to. Our walls are too flat, so we add things that stick off of them. Our blankets are too 2-dimensional, so we add decorations. Naturally, this need to have a totally 3D world would leak over into other aspects of our lives, such as our clothes.

Our jackets were simply too flat. They didn't pop out at people. Now, they do! With the bubble jackets, our world is finally entirely 3D. People can feel like they're part of a new world, a world where things pop out at you! A world where everything has curves and contours.

Hopefully, once the 3D gimmick has passed, the bubble jacket fad will, too. I hope that time is soon... I preferred my normal, boring, 2D world.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Halogen Lights

If it didn't take so much time, I'd actually relax more. The tragic truth is, I don't have time. I wake up, get ready for school, go to school, go to work (the latter two being in any order), go home to do homework (or stay at school to do homework), eat dinner, go to sleep. Rinse. Repeat. Day after day, after day, after day, after day, after day, after day....after...well you get the idea.

You may be thinking "Well gosh, Morgan, stop blogging and take this time to relax." To shoot you down, I'm at work (I'm taking one small break from doing homework). I will be until five. At five thirty I will be in class until eight... At eight I will be doing my photography assignment. At nine I'll either be sound asleep or wishing I was sound asleep while I eat dinner.

Needless to say, I'm burning myself out.

In cinematography we had a lesson on lights. (Which reminds me, I have homework for that class too...) We learned about every kind of set light you could think of. We even watched as Bob smoked his glove in an HMI. Aside from the dangers of light, Bob also showed us what happens when certain lights explode. (Unfortunately lights cost too much to explode for a lesson, so we only got to see the results.)

Among the blown up lights were half a dozen halogen lights. These lights are super sensitive. The gas (halogen) heats up inside and goes bouncing around like crazy. (Similar to the florescent lights.) This puts the glass frame under a lot of stress. If you bump the light too much, it becomes off balance and explodes. If you touch the light and leave skin oil on it, it explodes. If it gets too hot, it explodes. If it isn't placed in correctly, it explodes. If you yell at it-- jk.

I feel like one of those little lights. There's so much to do, so many things to get done... so much to learn. If everything in my life doesn't stay in balance, I'll probably explode. If I have to travel too much, right now, I'll explode. If too many people bump me, or ask for too many things, I may explode. If too many things leave a messy wake, then I'll explode.

"Then start to simplify, Morgan."

This is as simple as it gets. I'm not in any extracurricular, nor am I out partying every night (only every other night...). If there were a relaxation technique that didn't require any extra time, that would be a hit.

As it is, there is no such relaxation technique. There isn't much time in a day either. I'm also not capable of cloning myself, so I have to deal with being one person. As a spokesperson for this one person, I say God needs to give us just two more hours each day, so I can sleep... Or maybe I should just buy personal insurance in case I explode...