Monday, January 31, 2011

Strike Tres

Okay, huh... I keep trying to write a post here, and I get to the very end and think "This is stupid." The posts weren't actually stupid. In one of the attempts I confessed how opinionated and stubborn I am. In another I listed two dozen compartments that I organize my life into, complete with the sound effect my subconscious should make. By the time I reached the end, I realized that those were not what I wanted to post about. Those were not things on my mind.

What's on my mind is: now what? What do I do? What should  I do? It's not about anything serious either. These questions don't pertain to my relationship with Nathan, because that is in progress and going just great! It doesn't pertain to school because, well, school is school. It comes and goes and makes me suffer but rejoice at the same time.No, the questions pertain to friendships.

Let me tell you a secret first, *whispers* my philosophy on life is "keep moving forward."

That's it. That's all I do. I keep moving forward. It's why I'm 19 and almost finished with a bachelors degree. When things don't go so nicely, I move forward. Sure, there are times when I get hung up on the past, but most of the time I just keep moving myself forward. When life doesn't work out as I want it to, I take the punches and move past them.

But there are some punches that just keep me down. Like punches involving friends. For example, I asked a friend if she wanted to hang out over the winter break. She said she wanted to, but that she wouldn't have time due to family stuff. That was legitimate, and we just talked instead. Then I found out that, through facebook, that this friend of mine had actually just blown me off to go to a part with other friends of mine. So I was kind of...sort of...left out.

I try really hard to just let it go. There's no reason to be upset. We're adults now...we should act like adults...and adults don't cry when they find out someone doesn't like them. I have my own friends inside school, and I have enough family to keep me busy all day everyday. I have Nathan to share everything with, and I have my journal and prayers to recount every story of my life. There shouldn't be any punches.

After I saw the videos (yes, there were videos on facebook of me being left out), I tried to just pick myself back up and move forward. I accomplished it, sorta. I would equate this to someone breaking their leg in the woods and having to drag themselves to society. But it hurts. It doesn't work. I don't understand. I don't understand at all.

Whose fault is it? I like to think that it isn't anyone's fault. We all just grew up and grew apart because we are all so different. I'd like to think that we each made choices that drew us apart in equal, but different, paths. The problem is, I can't convince myself of it. I cannot get it through my brain that it's how life goes. My being just can't be convinced that there isn't a problem, just life.

I somehow think that I did something wrong in their eyes. There must have been a time when I said something wrong, or said too much, or didn't say enough. Something must have passed between us that I dismissed and they didn't. Or maybe I didn't dismiss it when they did.

Hindsight is 20/20, but sometimes it's foggy. I can't see where it went wrong. Or maybe it wasn't a single event, maybe it was a series of small, tiny, almost microscopic events that, when tied together, tore us apart. I just...I just don't understand.

I don't want people to read this and then start inviting me places, that isn't the point. The point is, I feel left out. I mean, I've always felt like I don't quite fit in. Remember those toddler toys that are simply comprised of plastic shapes and holes for those shapes. Every child tries to fit the square through the circle, or the triangle through the square. We try to mash it in there, we try to make it work. I've almost always felt like that little shape that just doesn't fit into the hole. I know there is a hole where I fit, but while being smacked around in the wrong holes, I feel like I just don't belong at all.

While being wedged into the wrong hole, I wanted out. I wanted to be in my own hole. Now I'm in college. I'm with people who have the same passions and quirks as I do. But now I'm lonely. I'm sitting among a couple hundred other circles and yet, we don't fit so well. Yes, we have a lot in common, but that means we have all the bad qualities in common, too. We're all the type of people that keep to ourselves for long periods of time. Sure, we can be friends, but not like a square and circle can. People who have differences can balance each other out. Right now, the little teeter-totter of life is unbalanced.

So I don't want you to read this and say "Hey, lets hang out." I don't want you to read this and say "I'm sorry." I want a reason...I want answers. I want...

Friday, January 28, 2011

netWORKing

I knew it was going to take a lot of work, but I didn't know it was going to be fun work.

Bob and Dennis (two of the professors here) always talk about networking. Talk to people. Tell them your name. Leave an impression. Work you butt off. Don't forget who got you to where you are. (One day, when I look back on my college life, I'm going to only remember having those things drilled into my skull.)

(When I think networking, I actually think about Doyle Mortimer. He seems to know everyone everywhere. He knows the most random people! That man can network. That's how I want to be. I want to just walk into any store and run into twenty people I know. I want people to see me and remember me, and talk to me. Just a random interjection.)

Anyway, Back on track. Networking is what it's all about right now for me. I'm taking classes, I'm studying as much as I can. I'm looking for ways to apply what I learn. Now it's time to tell the world I exist. That's the first step. "Hi, I noticed you made a feature film that made millions of dollars. I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Morgan. If you ever need a PA, I'll be more than willing to do it."

Film making is a tough business to get into. Everyone is in their position. Everyone is fighting for that position on the next big set. Rarely ever does one just become a producer. It takes years of work, you must pay your dues. You start out at the bottom. You gain the trust and respect of those around you. Then you can move up. Rarely does one become a PA without years of work. You have to introduce yourself. You have to prove yourself, and then, you become their slave.

So that's my next big goal. Tell people that I'm here. I'm ready (mostly). I'm worth giving a chance. I took the first step Wednesday. I began my netWORK. I went to the opening meet-n-greet at the LDS FF. The filmmakers were there to be met and talked to. So I dove (dived?) in.

I didn't really know what to do when starting a network, so I trailed my friend Austin for one introduction. He just went up, said something like "I noticed your filmmaker tag..." and then jumped in with the questions. Of course, I don't think his questions were all that useful, but I took the format and ran with it.

I wanted to talk to Michael Flynn, but he was so popular (well duh, it's Michael Flynn!). In my many attempts to cleverly bump into him, I found another filmmaker. I decided, why not, gotta start somewhere! So I followed him into a little sitting area. I jumped in and introduced myself. "I'm sorry, but I noticed your tag said filmmaker. I was wondering if I could ask you some questions."

This filmmaker was extremely polite. I learned that he was one of the few who just jumped straight to producer. He went from executive producer to producer. (He bought his ticket in, I guess. haha) Anyway, we talked. He gave me some tips (the same tips Bob and Dennis gave me) and I smiled and acted like he was being such a huge help. Then Russ Whitelock interrupted us. The filmmaker introduced me to him and then introduced himself to me as Bryce Fillmore. He gave me his email address and told me to email him within the next couple of months and he would see if any positions were available on one of his sets. I nearly died. I took his email address (in a not so smooth way) and thanked him.

Step one: Introducing myself. COMPLETED! I did it. And all day yesterday I was amazed that I had done it, and so gracefully too. I knew I needed to make an impression on him. The only way to do that would be to run into him again. So I did. I decided to go to his movie that night.

I was in a bad mood and sick yesterday, but I still went. I bought tickets and headed to my seat. As I was headed there, I passed Bryce in the hall talking to some friends of his. He smiled and waved at me. I'd made an impression the first time. SWEET!! I sat in the theater and talked with Nathan for a while before the film started. I decided I should to wash my glasses to make sure I'd see the film as cleanly as I could.

I went to the bathroom to wash them off. On my way back to the theater I saw a man struggling at the drinking fountain. I stopped to help him. After, I got a drink and turned to go to my seat. Bryce was standing there. I smiled politely and said hello. He said, "Morgan, It's so nice to see you here."

BAM! That's right, he remembered MY name. MY NAME!! I told I wouldn't miss it after he pitched it so well the day before. I returned to my seat and watched the film (which was really good). After the film I asked some questions, just so he would know I paid attention and didn't leave early. He smiled at me when I asked. I didn't get to see him after the film, but I still did good.

I left feeling really proud of myself. I've been working really hard, but in reality it's all Heavenly Father's doing. I'm going to keep working and opening as many doors as I can, then I'm going to leave it up to Him to push me through the right one. Last night felt like a major accomplishment and I know that there will only be one hundred more, at least, before I get to where I'm going.

"I didn't say it would be easy. I only said it would be worth it." --the quote on my mirror from beehives many years ago.

Missed it

Hey, I just realized I skipped some questions yesterday, so I'm fixing them.

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK
1. a mouse
2. Josh's book
3. a phone

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1. have a family
2. Make a movie
3. See my name in the credits

THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY
1. Laid back
2. Driven
3. um...Caring

THREE BAD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY
1. Sometimes I'm too quiet
2. impatient
3. I have a hard time taking things seriously

THREE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. my hair
2. my size
3. my hands

THREE THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. my head (it keeps me from doing things)
2.
3.
(I'm pretty confident with who I am. I don't think talking myself down about my appearance is really all that productive)

Thursday, January 27, 2011

killing time at work

shoot me now. I am so tired of being at work. I just want to go home. To help pass the time I'll fill one of these stupid survey things out... It's a lot of totally useless information, so feel free to just ignore this post entirely.

NICKNAMES: Morg, Morgie, Mo, Momo (but if you call me anything but Morgan or Morg, I'm going to have to stop talking to you)

BIRTHDAY: October 14

ZODIAC: Apparently this changed, but I'm a libra, I'm not changing it...ever

HEIGHT: 5 feet 3 inches

EYE COLOUR: Hazel

HAIR COLOR: brown

HANDED: Right

FROM: Orem, UT

PETS: 2 frogs, 2 cats

FAMILY: um... what about them?

PERSONALITY: I'm a sexy and sophisticated filmmaker. What do you want me to say?

HOBBIES: Movies, Pictures, Naps

LIKES: Nathan, Food, Sleep, Satisfaction, Movies, museums

DISLIKES: annoying people

FAVORITE ACCENTS: All of them

FAVORITE ACTORS: I don't know.

FAVORITE ACTRESSES: "That's politically incorrect"

FAVORITE ANIMALS: dog, elephants, cats

FAVORITE MUSIC: Music that has good lyrics and a good beat

FAVORITE BOOKS: Ayn Rand's, and select fiction

FAVORITE CANDY: Dove, yes, I know it makes me sick, but I love it anyway

FAVORITE CARTOON CHARACTER: I don't really watch cartoons... um...Sokka

FAVORITE COLORS: Red, Pink

FAVORITE COUNTRY: Utah, oh no, wait...country...

FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK: Friday

FAVORITE DRINK: Juice

FAVORITE FLOWER: I don't know what they're called, but I want to call them lilies. I also like those really good smelling purple flowers, lilacs or something

FAVORITE FOODS: Chinese, Chicken Broccoli Casserole, and whatever Nathan makes. 

FAVORITE GIRLS NAMES: Elizabeth, Claire

FAVORITE HOLIDAYS: Independence Day, Christmas, Valentine's Day, Thanksgiving

FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR: Can't eat it

FAVORITE MONTH: The fall months

FAVORITE MOVIES: huh... Sherlock Holmes, Harry Potters, and Midway to Heaven

FAVORITE NUMBER: 8

FAVORITE PERSON: Nathan

FAVORITE QUOTES: "Whatever you are, be a good one." & "I love you"

FAVORITE SHOES: I like slippers and boots.

FAVORITE SONGS: Right now I'm kind of digging the silence...or craving it, I guess.

FAVORITE SPORT: I don't have a favorite because I don't dislike them, because I can't play them, and I don't have time to watch them

FAVORITE THING TO DO: Watch movies, play games, snuggle with Nathan, Fight with Chan (who kicks my trash every time), and just be with the kids

FAVORITE TV SHOWS: House

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME
1. Strange men
2. Losing everyone
3. Earthquakes

THREE THINGS I'D LIKE TO LEARN
1. How to budget films
2. How to cook real food
3. How to paint

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK
1. candle
2. pictures
3. sharpies

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1. have a family
2. publish some of my work
3. have a career

THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY
1. empathetic
2. hard working
3. open minded

THREE BAD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY
1. easily distracted
2. impatient
3. undeceive

THREE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. my eyes
2. i'm flexible
3. my stomach (yeah, I'm know, I'm weird)

THREE THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. my legs
2. my frizzy hair
3. I get sick a lot

THREE THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU
1. I'm short (I know, shocker)
2. I'm lactose intolerant, and cinnamon makes me sick
3. I wear glasses

THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST
1. "I love you"
2. "I'm tired"
3. "I guess"

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO
1. Italy
2. Canada
3. The beach



Wow, that was intense. Now what do I do for the next hour? *sigh* 

Worth 1000 Words

Photographs. Pictures. Pics.

Back when Dinosaurs ruled the earth, someone invented the camera. First known as camera obscura, cameras were used to capture light. Light is bright. Now cameras are used to capture people...not as bright. Early photographs were pictures of life, God's paintings. It was a rare thing to see a photographer, or a photograph. Later, as the earth grew out of the Cretaceous period of life, cameras became more accessible. Polaroids allowed amateurs to snap photos at random and print them instantly. Kodak had their disposable cameras (which I still love to death). Soon everyone was taking pictures of everything! Now we have digital cameras which allow us to photograph ourselves on our best days and send them to millions of people. It's cheaper in the long run, and if you mess up, so what?

Now cameras are used everyday by even the least experienced people out there. It's a great idea, really. Snap a few photos at a party at school, post them on facebook so mom can see. Put them in little digital albums with titles like "College fun!" or, the increasingly popular title, "album name." It's in these albums that we can take a very tiny peek into someone's life.

Of course, we can't actually tell what's going on. We can only see the person, because, after all, it is their album. Most times we end up with photos like this:

"At Costco!"

"Driving"

"Best time eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"

"soooooo coooooooooool"

"Sledding is so much fun!"
If you're posting these for your mom, she'll love them! If you're posting this for posterity, try using something called a printer. If you're posting these to show all of your friends how much fun you're having at school, then maybe you should actually do things at school instead of smile in facebook poses...

That's only the first group of facebook photographers. I call the next group "shoppers." (Or annoyances):





These are usually followed by comments such as "Oh my gosh! You're such a great photographer!" or "Wow! You're so talented!"

I'm not sure I can describe how frustrating that is. People like this go out with their little point-and-shoots, set to automatic, and snap away. Then they take them into photoshop (which is a silly product to own if you can't use it properly) and change them entirely. They crop them and probably wonder what the little grid is supposed to mean. They add filters and words and more filters. They "fix" all their problems by blowing out the messy parts or using sharpening masks.

There are really no words to describe how annoying this is. There are people out there who spend hours and years and decades mastering light to get the perfect shot the first time. They don't get the credit they deserve because snap shots and photoshop are ruling the world. Just because you can push a trigger, doesn't make you a good photographer.

That was a bit off track, I was actually going to say that it would be a good idea to take more than facebook shots and photoshopped images. As people flip through your photos, instead of thinking "oh, look at her face again." or "hey, that's a really low cut shirt." they'll think "Oh, that looks like a lot of fun! Who knew longboarding down a mountain would look so sweet!" or "Whoa! I'm jealous of her adorable apartment!"

I think I've gone through a dozen or so albums where there were 200 pictures of just them standing there smiling. Or the picture was from above and I could see clearly down the girl's shirt. Not exactly something I wanna see.

Okay, I have PMS. I'm leaving for now. Adios

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

"Step away from the keyboard, this is the Grammar Police!"

Which language is your native language? If you answered English, then please, for the sake of humanity, SPEAK IT CORRECTLY! If you answered anything other than English (or "American" for you smart alecs out there...), then learn from others' mistakes.

Part of growing up is learning to communicate with other people. Our first communication techniques are simple, laugh, cry, scream, stink. For a year or so, it's cute. After that our parents get tired of us not communicating at a higher level, so we are forced to learn to speak in some form or another. While we are learning to verbally express ourselves, we make mistakes. Those mistakes are cute. "Mommy, I dranked all my melk." Our parents correct us politely and let it go. As we get older, and go to school we learn that you can't just add "-ed" to the end of a word to make it past tense. English is a complicated language and it takes many years to learn, so we take those many years to learn the language.

After 12 years of school, you're a junior in high school. You're around 17 years-old. That means, unless you are deaf (or lived in somewhere that wasn't an English speaking nation), you've been listening to people chatter on in English for 17 years! By this time you should be able to properly (or at least semi-properly) speak with decent grammar. Mormon missionaries live in a foreign nation for two years and come back knowing that native language almost fluently.

Speaking the language is simple enough. You can hear the different fluctuations in people's voices and mimic them. So if you can speak the language, why can't you write it? Writing a paper is a lot like speaking. Of course it's more organized, but that doesn't mean it's harder. I once knew this person who spoke English fluently. We were in the same English class in high school. We would peer review for each other. Every week I was so stunned at how grammatically terrible the essay would be. The punctuation was all over the place, verbs were incorrect and there were so many spelling errors! I just couldn't believe it.

There is no excuse for something like that. Especially when a boy in our class, that wasn't born or raised in America, and only started learning English when he was 12, wrote essays better than our professor. Yes, his essays had mistakes, a sentence error here and there, but for the most part, his essays would have fooled anyone into thinking he was raised by royalty in England. His grammar was impeccable.

If you're over the age of ten, you should know that the sentence "Paco drawed nineteen lemons on a piece of paper." is incorrect. If you're over the age of 12 you should know the difference between "you're" and "your." If you're over the age of 15 and you still don't know which "their," "there" or "they're" to use...please contact a tutor. Once you reach college, you should be able to use proper English in your classes.

Grammar doesn't stop at the edge of campus though. Believe it or not, but scientists have found that 100% of cases on the internet require proper grammar as well. Studies have shown that Facebook, Twitter and basic texting are all times when proper grammar are acceptable!

Updates and posts reflect the person you are. If you constantly post music lyrics, it's safe to assume you enjoy music. If you're always quoting inspirational speakers, then chances are you're a confident person. If you're an Emo Poster, then you come off clingy (see Emo Posting: Don't Do It!). People who use proper grammar come off intelligent sounding. People who don't come off a bit obnoxious and a tad overwhelming.

We may not want to admit it, but social networking has become a major part in our lives. Employers can search for you on facebook, people from all over the nation can stalk you using twitter, and the government can find your cellphone anywhere on the map. How do you want the world to view you? How do you want that cute boy from Science to see you? Do you want a possible employer to look at your status and say "wow, can she even speak English?" Use proper grammar, it solves the problem.

"I've never really been good at spelling, so that is a no-go for me." WRONG! Most internet browsers offer a spell check now. Right click on the misspelled word and options pop up for you. Pick the one that looks closest to what you're trying to spell. (I've done that over a dozen times in this post alone.)

"I'm dyslexic." If this is the case then I'm sorry. You may use grammar however you want.

"Me no speak Engrish." Then please speak your native language.

I can't tell you how frustrating it is to see a post with a word that catches your eye, only to find out it makes absolutely no sense. "Me n Jess flies to France one week!" What?! What about flies and France? By the time I decipher the code, Jess and her friend have already returned from France and I didn't get a chance to ask for a souvenir.

So we can do this the easy way, or the hard way. It's your choice. Anything you say incorrectly can and will be used against you in the Grammar Court (assuming it can be deciphered).

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Emo Posting: DON'T DO IT!

Okay, Let's get it all out there in the open. Emo Posting... on Facebook. This is posting posts just for attention purposes. Statuses such as "Oh dear, I think my hair is soooooooooooooooooOooooooooooooooooo ugly" or "*sigh* why does the world have to be so mean?" would fall into this category.

First, before we talk about how to be done with those posts, I should clarify. There are times when you feel emotional, and you are angry, or sad. That is okay. Post those. Sometimes we just need to yell and scream and have the world know how we feel. It's nice to know people listen (or read), for whatever reason. If you post multiple statuses about the same topic within seven days of each other...that is where you need to draw the line. (Of course there are exceptions, but those are a case-to-case kind of ordeal.) For example, say it is finals week and you are extremely stressed (first off, if it's finals week and you're on facebook...well I won't go into that). You get on facebook and decide to post a status update. "Ugh! Finals. Shoot me!" It is the next day of finals and you are even more stressed because your killer math test is coming up. "AH! I hate finals!" Then the third day rolls around. That English essay that's due? Well you forgot...until just barely when someone else posts a status about it. "OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY ESSAY!!! I FORGOT TO WRITE IT!!!" Now is a good time to just stop, if you've gone this far to begin with.

Now say your mother is away on vacation and you miss her (and her cooking). It's alright to let the world know you miss her. "Mom, why did you have to go?" End of story. Simple, to the point, and people might offer to cook for you while she's away.

Alright, back to Emo Posting. DON'T DO IT! "*sigh* life is just so hard" The proper response to that should be "yes, it is. so what?" News Flash: LIFE IS ALWAYS GOING TO BE HARD! No matter how much you whine about it. Whining about it only makes it harder for other people too.

Statuses meant to grab male attention, those probably ought to go, ladies. "Oh no,  I got to school and realized my shirt is on backwards, how embarrassing" I honestly don't think guys are really going to think "oh, poor soul, I should date her to make her feel better." While the shirt thing is embarrassing and entertaining for everyone to know, one post is enough. The second you repost it or post an update...that crosses the line.

Along those same lines, date-less posts... What to say, what to say... A date-less post is one that reads something like "I just wish I had a boyfriend," Followed by a few more statuses or quizzes that scream "RUN MEN!!" Having a boyfriend is awesome, don't get me wrong, but publicly stating it again and again on facebook just exudes desperate. And guys don't like desperate girls.

I'm not trying to bash on you, because I'm sure I've done it too. I'm just trying to help you not look so silly. The first step to looking cooler on the largest social network in the world is to stop acting like a pre-adolescent girl. (unless you are one, then please, keep doing what you're doing) Be mature. I know you can do it.

When a problem arises, you should probably not facebook about it. You may be asking me, why? The answer lies within the logic of human beings. You post about a problem that has arisen at school, or home, or involving roommates. Boys are going to be scared off by this. They don't want the whole world to know if they do something wrong. What if he asks you out and it goes wrong? Then it's all over the web in half a second and that poor boy is never going to go out with anyone again. No one is going to want to go out with a boy who "tripped over his own feet and spilled his hot chocolate all over" his date's new dress. If you update the world about every little problem you have, men may be intimidated and think that you're too picky, and that you're too big of a risk.

If you feel the need to post about a problem, maybe you're looking for help, then go ahead. But don't post about every single little problem you come across. Also, posting after you've solved the problem is a sign of a strong woman. Try it.

There are posts that are simply pathetic. They generate responses such as "oh, I know. I'm so sorry. <3" or "hang in there, life will get better." There are times when life gets extremely bumpy, and sometimes it feels good to just let it all out, but you really need to think about why you're posting it. Are you truly discouraged and need some loving words or do you just feel like you need more attention? If it's the first then post until you're heart's content. If it's the second, then step aside here with me, and let's chat.

I've been in your little boat. Attention is a great thing, especially from the opposite gender. Anything to get their attention seems like a good idea. It's not. You don't want the wrong kind of attention. You want the kind of attention that lets them see you as God sees you. You want them to see you as a confident, beautiful, gentle woman who loves those close to her. (or if you prefer to be the opposite...that's cool too) You don't want people thinking "oh gosh, she's a handful." in a bad way. Unfortunately people take things extremely out of context, and they will tear you apart. Make it hard for them to do that. Don't give the whole world puppy dog eyes. Flex your muscles and show them your tough side. (metaphorically speaking of course) It's really hard to tear someone down who "Just memorized all five of her audition pieces two months early!" (You can call her an overachiever, but that's a good thing.)

It's easy to do in theory. "Oh, I can so post awesome posts!" But sometimes it might be hard because you just want attention from the guys on your friends list. Refrain from doing it. A status update every single day isn't necessary. If you need a friend to talk to, call one...or text them. Or go over to their house.

Be you. Be confident in you. Make the world crave you, don't crave the world.

Monday, January 24, 2011

The present is the key to the past

That's the theory of uniformitarianism, from science, if anyone was wondering. But the theory isn't what I want to blog about.

For some reason I keep looking at the past. I don't want it to come back, oh heavens, that would be terrible. I just keep thinking about the events of the past. I don't know why. Maybe there is a piece missing (well there are a lot of pieces missing due to so many concussions) or maybe I'm just amazed at how well the pieces all fit together.

They say (whoever they is) that hindsight is always 20-20. It's true. I can see how all those art projects in fifth grade with Ms. Kitchen was actually useful. We use those a lot in my photography classes. I can see how running our own tiny business in third grade with Mrs. Booth helped me to work in groups better. I can see how little things in each of my English classes helped me to be a better film maker. I can see how each time Mr. Logan shot me down, or every time Summers and Davis told me I could work harder has pushed me to be the kind of creator I want to be. I can see how little activities my friends and I did together sewed little stitches of ideas into my brain. I can see how the lessons that started "You won't understand this until you're older" were actually useful...because now I'm older and I understand them.

Each person who has crossed my path and walked along side me has left a small mark. Each mark, alone, doesn't make much sense. Why would I care that this artist painted people by first drawing little ovals? I mean, HOW IS THAT USEFUL? It turns out Ms. Kitchen was on to something when she made us draw and write essays about those artists. Now when I'm envisioning a photograph that I want to take, I compose as that artist did. I don't remember his name, I just remember the terrible drawing I did of a ballerina. How was I supposed to know that Mr. Salmon's quirky sense of humor was going to help me win some friends in college? Who knew? Who would have ever imagined those tedious Latin worksheets Mrs. Woolstenhulm made us fill out would come in handy? Most words I learn now are either Latin derived or completely random. The Latin ones stick easy, making it so much easier to remember the random ones.

Looking back, it amazes me that God put every little, seemingly pointless event in my life. He placed them in exactly the right places, knowing I would get out of them something that would stick with me for years. I still remember getting my facts all backwards in first grade and feeling embarrassed. That has never happened since, and so far it's a great skill for college. But that happened over 13 years ago... God didn't just throw a dice and say "huh, here's a six and here's a two...good luck making ten!" He carefully places each opportunity, knowing we would either learn or teach.

My life is a puzzle, and right now, I can't see how me sitting at work dying or boredom is going to help me get a job as a PA... one day, the piece that connects me to my dream will fill in the little hole. I'll look back and say "Duh! Of course!" but for now, I'll just enjoy the ride and thank God for everything else He's done for me.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

concept not grasped

WHY IS EVERYONE OBSESSED WITH RELATIONSHIPS!? "Oh, I want a boyfriend so badly" or "Why can't I get a boy like everyone else?" Hint: No boy likes a whiny girl. Boys like girls who are confident. To be confident, one must know oneself. To get to know oneself, one must be single and have a relationship with their God and oneself. There is not one set road to take to find a boy. There are no road signs that say "Single lane closing, keep right, detour through boyfriend land." There isn't a road map to a boy. There are only road maps to ourselves. Only signs that lead us to find who we truly are. Goals like "I will find a boyfriend and be married before next spring" are ridiculously pointless, and you know it.

God is the only one who will give you your eternal mate. God knows when you are ready, and when you are not. God knows when he is ready and when he is not. How do you know if you're ready? Ask Him. Ask for help to grow stronger and become a better person. Ask for help to get to know yourself like He knows you. Once you do that, Mr. Right might just appear in your life. Maybe he's already there, and God is showing you that you just are not ready.

Now suppose you don't want to ask God for help. Well that's sad. That's when things don't work out. Trust me. When you go ahead of God's plan, your plans fall through. Marriages are a three way pact between a man, a woman and God. Therefore, one must include God in their pre-marriage relationships. It doesn't work any other way.

Sometimes a man and a woman get married under God, but it still fails. Most times that is because one or both of the spouses has decided to take life into their own hands. It never works.

The point is, stop worrying about finding someone to love you. Start loving yourself. Stop trying to get other people to see you. Start seeing yourself as God does, only then will Mr. Right see you and love you.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Ridiculously Long and Boring Post.

1. Your favorite song:
"My Best Friend" by Weezer. I don't listen to it a lot, but I love it.

2.Your favorite movie:
Hmmm. Sherlock Holmes. Iron Man is high up there. So are all of the Harry Potters

3. Your favorite television program:
House. By far! Second would be 16 and pregnant, then teen mom. 

4. Your favorite book:
"I Am Number Four" by: Pittacus Lore. LOVED IT! (But I'll probably hate the movie)

5. Your Favorite Quote:
"You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose." That one always makes me smile. But I like "Whatever you are, be a good one" by Abraham Lincoln too.

6. 30 of your top favorite things:
30?! Prepare yourself for this...
  1. Sleep
  2. Nathan
  3. Films
  4. Photography
  5. Books
  6. Bookstores
  7. Photo magazines
  8. People watching
  9. My family
  10. My friends
  11. Vacations
  12. Fruit
  13. Lemon Pepper
  14. The color red
  15. Boating
  16. Art
  17. Museums
  18. Blankets
  19. Dove Chocolate (yes, I eat it even though it makes me sick)
  20. The zoo
  21. The name William
  22. Comfy pants (such as sweats)
  23. Comfy shoes
  24. Shopping
  25. PCs
  26. Harry Potter
  27. Sunsets
  28. Full Moons
  29. 70 degree weather
  30. Lists that are shorter than 30 things...
7. Pictures that makes you happy:
This took me a lot of tries to get right. When I finally got it, it came out perfect...except it's black and white.

This is the Boston Skyline from a DUCK. That was my most favorite vacation.

Nathan snapped this one. It's the Paul Revere church reflected in the office building next door.

Sacred Grove. If it hadn't been so darn cold it would have been WAY awesome, but instead it was just awesome. =)

This is the Chicago Skyline from the freeway. It wasn't too windy.

This is fog up in the Black Hills. The trees smell like butterscotch.

Nathan snapped this one too. It's me water skiing


8. A Photo that makes you sad:
From the Clothesline Project


9. A photo you took:
Saddest sight. Greatest Picture


10. A photo that makes you laugh:
I'm sure Eric will appreciate me putting this up. =) This is him dramatically peeling an onion so I could teach Patti to use the camera at Lake Powell. Best. Trip. Ever.


11. A photo that was taken over ten years ago:
Third Birthday.


12. A recent picture:
Sledding. 2010

13. Something you are OCD about: 
Pages in my notebooks. They should never be ripped out, and only one side of each page should have writing.

14 Your favorite outfit:
I have a lot of favorite outfits. But today I'm thinking that sweat pants and a hoodie is my favorite

16. Where do you go to school:
Utah Valley University

17. What are you majoring in:
Cinema Production

18 Your dream house:
A nice country style house. White with a wrap around porch and a railing. =)

20. Favorite picture/painting/art piece:
There are a lot, because I look at them all the time. But if I had to tell you one, I'd say the Timp Temple HDR by Bro. Boyd.

21. An unknown talent of yours:
I'm actually really good at feeding my frogs. I know you wouldn't have guessed it, but it's true.

23. A hobby of yours:
Photography

24. A favorite treat your mom makes:
             Well my MOM doesn't make treats (thankfully...) but I love my Grandma's Cinnamon Rolls.
25. Your day in great detail:
This should be easy, as it's only eight. 
My alarm went off, and I turned it off. Then I knocked my lotion off the nightstand and debated picking it up. Then I rolled over and went back to sleep, I tried to think of an outfit, but that failed. Then my alarm went off again at six. I hit snooze and waited for Nathan to text. I fell asleep again. Then my alarm went off five minutes later and I hit snooze. Then five minutes later I decided I ought to get up. So I did... Then I went and showered. I got dressed and did my hair. I debated chopping my bangs off, but I remembered that every time I do that I get upset, so I didn't. Then I ate some cereal. Then I came to school. I tested my email. Now I'm blogging. and In about five minutes I'll be in class.

26. Your worst habit:
Hmmm... Procrastinating

27. Biggest fear:
Earthquakes. and Losing everyone I love.

28. Whats in your purse?
Right now? Nothing. Because it's all in my backpack. But normally I have my multitool, my flashlight, my ipod, my wallet, my sunglasses, pain killers, lotion, and a pen.
29. Hopes, dreams, and plans for the new year: 
I'm hoping I get a PA job, or any job on set. I also hope that I get good grades again... I plan on being almost done with school by the end of this year. 
THE END! =)  

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Stolen

I stole this off of someone's facebook. I thought it was pretty awesome, and the one they did turned out crazy sweet. So I'm doing it.


1- Go to wikipedia and hit random. The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.
2 - Go to quotationspage.com and hit random. The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first a...lbum.
3 - Go to flickr.com and click on “explore the last seven days”. Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
4 - Use photoshop or similar (picnik.com is a free online photo editor) to put it all together.  (On this last step, I don't feel comfortable stealing off of photo sites, so I went to "place" in photoshop and picked the third picture in the third column of the folder that auto opened)




Friday, January 14, 2011

The Middle

By: Jimmy Eat World
Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).

Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).

Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).


 This song came on the radio the other day, and it reminded me of life right now with school and everything. I was going to put up the music video, but I started watching that to find that it was REALLY inappropriate. So I don't suggest watching the original video. Look up a fan vid. with the music if you want to hear it. =)

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Bloops

There are a lot of little bloop thoughts scrambling around in my mind right now. The goal here is to get them out onto the screen so I don't have them stressing me out.

First is the wedding. This isn't a little bloop. It was amazing! I loved being a part of it. I loved watching everyone, and feeling those emotions. The museum is a gorgeous place for a wedding. I was seriously in love with it! Both families are amazing. Bryan and Erica are amazing. The whole experience was incredible. I know I keep saying that, but it's true. I don't have words to describe it, and there weren't any super specific events that made it amazing. From the time the group gathered to the time we all dispersed after the reception there was just this buzz in the air. I sound stupid, but whatever.

Second is school. Because of the wedding, I procrastinated a major project. It's due at six tonight. I have work until five... I need to catch the sun set, at five thirty. I can probably pull it off, but it's causing me a lot of unneeded stress. Procrastinating is completely worthless.

Third is just life. It's going so great. Yes, there are little speed bumps, but those just keep life interesting. The greatest part of life right now is Nathan. My career path is going fantastic, but life with Nathan is beyond that. It's what keeps me going when I hit stupid speed bumps (figuratively and literally). He makes me want to wake up in the morning and is the reason I go to bed on time. I love him and definitely couldn't ask for anyone better. I know that our careers (especially mine) are going to take up a lot of time... but I know that no matter what happens, he's going to be there for me and I'll be there for him. That is seriously the greatest part of all of this.

Anyway, I need to go figure out how I can beat the sunlight without missing too much work and without missing the deadline. Wish me luck!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

I'd do it again!

I don't know if I could be more happy right now. Yesterday Nathan went to a bachelor party with his future brother-in-law. They went to dinner and then to a monster truck rally. I went to dinner with Nathan's and Bryan's sisters. I loved it. I loved every second of it. I loved being included. I love their humor. I loved learning about them more. I loved listening to them talk. I loved how open everyone was. I love that Bryan's mom remembers me. I love that no one acted like a stupid high schooler. I love it! I can't even express how much I enjoyed it. "Love" is an understatement. I would do it all again in a heartbeat. As of last night, I want nothing more than to be an official part of that family too.

I'm extremely tired of people being "friends." Lying to someone who is nice to you doesn't exactly make you a good friend. But last night was incredible! I loved everything about it! No one was shallow. Everyone laughed even though not everyone had the same opinion. IT WAS AMAZING!!!

Friday, January 7, 2011

Keeping Up On Photos

The haze is killing me! But this fluke turned out okay. The rainbow is pretty cool

Seriously, this haze sucks

This is one (and the next) is a bit of an eyesore. There is a really small depth of field right in the middle.

This one also has a smaller dept of field. The city is in focus, which is what I was aiming for

Sun reflecting off lakes is one of my favorite things. They remind me of Nathan
I'm probably behind, but here are a few photos anyway.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

So close I can almost taste it

Once in a while I have dreams where I can fly, or I have telekinesis. I can do pretty much whatever I want whenever I want. It's so exciting. But then I wake up. And the dream is gone. I always get frustrated. Those dreams always feel so real to me, and it makes me mad that my super powers get taken away.

But that's all changing.

Yesterday I had my first ever cinematography class with Bob Trim. (Cinematography is everything from the lights to the ladders in film making.) The class is very hands on, it's also a skill, like automotive work. Anyone can do it, but only some are good at it. So far I can light studios for portraits, so this shouldn't be too much harder, I hope. If I can't, I'll make myself do it. Impressing Bob is my biggest goal at the moment.

You see, Bob is the man in charge of giving students internships on film sets. In class, he told us that there are three of those coming to Utah this summer. Impressing Bob = internship. There is nothing stopping me from doing it either. All the classes that I need to have done for an internship I will have finished by the end of spring semester. Plus one. I'll have finished the movie management class (project management for movie sets. Once in a life time class). There is a book (Breaking and Entering, by April Fittzsimmons) that Bob requires everybody to read before he lets them on set. I read half of it before class yesterday, and fibbed when he asked how many of us have read it. I'll have it finished before next week. I'm going to miss Monday's class because of a wedding (woot!) so I talked to Bob AHEAD of time. He told me he was impressed that I'd do that (and he was impressed that I was being a photographer at said wedding).

See? I'm well on my way to the internship. There's nothing stopping me. I'm so so so so so close. It feels like I'm about to be able to fly, everything is going my way. My superpower dreams are coming true (just in a much more realistic fashion)!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

For Pete's Sake!

Facebooking when I'm tired is not a good idea.

Honestly, I don't care about not getting invited anymore. I have a life of my own, and I don't mind my old friends doing things together without me. I do mind them saying "we should hang out" then we never do, then I find out they did without me. I mind that when I ask them about they lie and hide things. Why can't people be mature enough to talk about their feelings? Why can't I get a straight answer when I ask "What did you do over the break?" If they answered "A bunch of us hung out at my house. We made cookies and watched a movie. It was awesome!" I'd be totally okay with that. Yes, it would still sting a bit, but it wouldn't matter as much. When they say "nothing. I hung out with my family all week." then I found out that they all hung out and all lied about it...that's not okay. It makes me want to not talk to any of them. It makes me want to just ignore them all and call them out on it.

I will call them out on it, especially Emy... and I will probably ignore them. I'm tired, I'm sick, and now I'm hurt. I don't think it's okay for them to lie to me, no matter what the circumstances. I want friends who don't lie to me. I want friends who tell me the truth, no matter what it is. If the truth were "I invited someone who doesn't like you, so I'm not inviting you" I'd want to know it.

Maybe it's just me, but I'm extremely tired of people being petty and stupid. We're in college now, so we should act like adults. I know adults don't always act mature, but this is ridiculous.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

January 2 photo


I liked both of these, so voila! Yes, they are both snapshots. =)

January 1 photo

So here's starting my goal. 1/365 of my photos. =)

2011

I should really post something about the new year, but it doesn't feel any different than the old year. The sun still rises in the east, it's still ridiculous outside, people are still stupid, and I'll still be in school. This is a new year, but it's nothing exciting. The only exciting thing will be me still writing 2010 on my notes by the time I turn 20.

I'm sort of stressing out, though. I'm becoming concerned about my classes... Photo 2 shouldn't be too hard, and Cinematography will be decent. Those will involve just more lighting techniques, which are easy enough to figure out. I'm taking a class from Paul... Yes, the same Paul that hated me last semester... That is going to suck. My Movie Management class won't be too bad, except that it's almost four hours long. I'm almost excited for my prehistoric life class as a break from rough classes. Plus, Nathan is in that class too, so that'll be fun!

I'm worried that I'm taking on more than I can handle... I know I can handle it, but I don't know if I'll be able to handle it well. I've got to get started on my goals, because I really want them to happen. I've got to do school. I've got to work and pay off my car (which shouldn't be too hard). And I have to impress my teachers.

My plan is to take each thing alone. Like in TRON (which sucked). Sam tells Cora to split up Tron and Clu so that it is easier to take them out. That's my plan. I'm going to divide each thing into it's own category. My screenplay will be a separate item from my classes. Each class will be on it's own. My job will be it's own piece of the pie. Paying off my car will be lumped with buying a 5D and a mac (for the record, I still hate macs, I just need one...).

Hopefully 2011 is the year I start to get myself out there in the little film world. Wish me luck!