Friday, September 30, 2011

Addicted

I was at work, driving Jerry to our location. We were talking about cinematography. He suggested a book. I accepted said suggestion, and then we drove on. Then he said "The worst part about film, is it's addicting." That's 100% true.

We've all seen the images of drug addicts, right? If you haven't, this is what you're missing:


Disgusting, right? I don't know if these people know that they look like death, but I don't think they care. Why? Because it's an addiction. It's virtually uncontrollable.

Thankfully, the film addiction isn't as disgusting:


In fact, it's a glamorous drug, if done right.

Drug addicts go from one fix to the next, doing everything in their power to get higher. Filmmakers go from one set to the next, doing their best to get higher. You learn that filmmaking is lonely. People's marriages become broken, but they keep making movies. Some people remain unmarried, because they're gone all day, but that isn't enough to get them to stop doing their jobs. Friends are lost, enemies get made, and everyone is a jerk...but it's not enough. It's not enough to stop doing it. It's an addiction.

Not being on set creates a serious longing feeling. Having to spend time away from learning about filmmaking drives me up a wall, unless I'm out actually on a set. My next door neighbor always wanted to get into film and theater, and she regrets not doing it. When we talk, I can tell she was bitten by the film bug, and she never got to give into her need and desire. She knows a lot and takes time to research things. I love it, and yet, I feel bad. I wish I could be like her and just walk away, but I know that I would never be happy.

I'm not that far into my career, but I already feel the pain of it. The hours keep me gone a lot, and I don't get to spend as much time with the kids or Nathan. It's only the beginning... I know that the hours will always be completely screwed up, and that I won't get to go out and play sometimes, but yet, it's not enough to make me stop.

I'm addicted. And I'm not going to stop.

super bored post

So I'm in Nathan's photography class, and I'm a tad bit bored. No offense to Reese or anything, I just have been through enough photo classes for right now. I found this little "challenge" on my friend's blog, and I decided I would do it, but all today. I don't feel like dragging this out over a month's time. 

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself: Being fragile.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself: My personality
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for: Not pushing myself harder
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for: A lot of guys for being douche bags. 
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life: Stand out
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do: Open heart surgery with only a pair of tweezers and yarn...
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for: If I didn't say Nathan, I would be lying, no matter who I said.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit: Oh gosh... I'm going to pass on this one
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted: Um... I don't know. 
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know: oh boy... Probably Charles
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on: Being good at what I do (whatever that means)
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on: My shoes
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.): WRITE A LETTER?! No thanks! Linkin Park has always been there. 
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter) Ugh...letter? No. I don't know if I've ever had a hero that let me down. My heroes are all mostly dead...haha
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it: I haven't tried living without Nathan, but I definitely cannot live without him. And for a long time, I lived without Robyn, I didn't realize it, but it sucked. Having her now makes it better. 
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without: All those selfish guys
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something: Ayn Rand's Fountainhead
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage: Oh wow. I think what you do in your time is your decision. You can go and be married to the same sex. You do what you want, I do what I want. Simple as that. I won't fight against it, but I won't fight for it. 
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?: Wow, this would be one heck of a controversial post. I think religion is great if it works for you. religion is for humans, spirituality is for your soul. As for politics, they're ridiculous, but they make the world spin. Whether we like it or not, politics are always going to be around and we'll just need to deal with it. 
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol: Don't do them, stay in school.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?: Chances are, I'd be in that car too. Even if we were fighting, I'd stay by their side. And I would hold them if they were hurt. 
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life: Chosen Film as my major
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life: decided on film a bit earlier
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter): This one will be a new post. So watch for it.
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today: Because a certain someone decided to come over at midnight and tell me he loved me. Why? Because I'm worth loving. There's clearly something I'm supposed to do in this life, and Nathan knew that. Thanks buddy.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?: Yea, I did. I don't remember any dates or anything, but life was just rough and I didn't know how to get my feet underneath myself. I needed a hand up. 
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?: The best thing...I feel like Film is. (It's a love-hate relationship)
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?: If I got someone pregnant I would seriously question life and God. If I got pregnant I would accept it and move forward. No use in wishing to change the past. 
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why: I Hope to get off of this film addiction, its not a career choice, it's a lifestyle choice. and it makes life rough. 
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself: Dear Morgan, I love you. Love, Morgan.

While posting this, I realized something, and I want to post about it, so be right back in my next post.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Sapphire and Ruby

God sent an angel to walk the earth. With the appearance of mortality, the beautiful angel glided through life eternal on the growing planet. Never changing, the angel resided in a small village, that in time, also grew. She saw many a family come and go; many friends passed on. Though she never changed, her heart became filled with sorrow, a sorrow no one would ever see.

On a cold night, the angel sat at the top of a hill. She watched as the townspeople tucked themselves away for the night. Under the stars, in the breeze, she cried. The angelic tears coated the grass, creating blades of silver and gold. She poured her soul and begged to be taken. Her pleads received no replies. Lost and alone, the angel dragged her body back to her home, leaving the metallic grass behind.

It was a myth among the elders and a story among the children that only angel tears could create such a beast. Many believed the beast rose from the tears of an angered angel, meant to destroy the wicked and bring peace to the land. Others believed the tears gave life to the fire-breather as a protector to the angel, and to destroy those who caused the tears.

Whatever the truth was, the townspeople awoke to a loud roar on the warmest night in recorded history. The angel had not yet fallen asleep. She rested at the bedside of a dear friend who would not live to see the next sunrise. Her prayers were filled with requests for comfort for the family of the soon-to-be deceased. The angel's final prayer was interrupted by deep vibrations she not only heard, but felt. Her heart stopped. Only one creature could make such a noise.

The angel ran to the window and looked toward the south. From atop the mountain rose a flame and a screech. The great beast spread its wings, taking flight up into the night sky. A great shadow fell over the town and it's fearful people. As the great being neared the ground, the shadow grew. The beasts giant feet touched the ground with a grace beyond that of any other creature that size. Folding in its large wings, the great creature waited. It waited through the night.

Many in the town fled, leaving behind their friends. Others cowered in their homes. All of them were filled with curiosity, but no one wanted to approach the giant. The myths and stories spread again as they did in the ancient days. Everyone speculated, no one knew, save for the angel.

Days passed and the beast did not move. Though it appeared harmless, no one dared go near. The angel lied in bed, hiding from not the beast, but the people. In the blanket of night, the wind whispered to her. "Come. Come to me." The angel did not come and the whispers became screams within her soul.

One night the screams became unbearable. The angel knew she must face the beast. With determination and fear, the angel faced the beast. The wind was silent, as were the townspeople. They watched in horror as the beautifully mysterious girl faced the great beast.

"Dragon!" the angel called out with her heart. "Why have you come?"

The beast did not move. "Your tears have given me life," the wind whispered to the angel. "They have given me a task."

"What task is that?"

The dragon extended it's arms toward the angel. In each clawed hand, he held a stone. One ruby and one sapphire. "I have come with a choice for you. Choose the sapphire and you will have peace for the rest of the eternities. You will remain immortal, but you will have endless peace and hope. Choose the ruby and you will become mortal. You will have pain and suffering, but it will end upon your death."

The angel stared into the fire-filled eyes of the dragon. Her heart burned. Knowing the townspeople were watching, she made a decision. "I will take the sapphire."

"A wise decision you have made." The dragon spit fire onto the blue stone. From the fire emerged a necklace containing the sapphire. "Wear this and all will see you as a beacon of comfort and hope. Do not take it off."

The angel did not speak. She accepted the necklace. The townspeople grew weary with sleep. Now comforted, they found peace in sleep. The angel remained in front of the dragon. "What becomes of you?"

"I must guard mortality until the end of time."

"Surely you must rest. I will guard the stone for you for the night while you sleep."

The dragon resisted the offer.

"I will help you. You must rest."

The dragon fell victim to the peace and hope of the sapphire. He blew fire onto the ruby. A beautiful charm bracelet emerged. The angel accepted the burning silver and ruby jewelry. The dragon's eyes fell with sleep. The angel waited.

When the sun rose in the east the following morning, screams echoed in the hills. Gold blood ran down the streets. The great beast lay dead where it had once sat patiently waiting. The angel entered the streets. People felt an instant peace. She declared hope and peace. The people of the town followed her. They cleaned the streets and burned the great dragon.

Whispers soon broke out of what had happened to the other stone. The angel said nothing. She knew that owning both stones gave her a power comparable only to the Great Destroyer.

Day by day she smiled and served. She held those who were sad; she fed those who were hungry; she loved those who needed love. Night by night she released her power. She slayed those who were wicked in her eyes; she destroyed that which did not bring peace; she tempted those who would follow, then destroyed them in the name of peace.

The angel from Heaven would never die. She was immortal and felt no pain. She was a peace bringer; she promoted only that which was good, and burned that which was not. No one would ever know of her power, for the only witness to her receiving the ruby was dead, for he did not promote peace in her eyes.

"Bean Sack"

In case you didn't know, I have a little brother named Derek. When he was a baby, we called him "bean sack." When you picked him up, he was limp and felt like a bean sack. Now we just call him Derek or "Beaner." As a baby, Derek was incredibly quite. He mostly just sat there with big eyes and stared at the world.

He hasn't gotten much bigger, but he's gotten older. And as he's grown, he's developed quite the personality and attitude.

He would not sit for my picture unless he got a cheeto. The most noticeable part of the photo is the giant bruise on Derek's head. He's not real coordinated, so his head almost always has a bruise on it.

Like all kids, the thing he looks forward to most is receiving gifts. He has been anticipating Christmas since last Christmas, and he's reminded us all week that his birthday is coming up. He told us he wants lots of presents and cake.

Derek's third Birthday
Derek is such a stinker though. He is a hoarder, and can always be found carrying a bucket, or purse full of junk. To him it isn't junk. Each little toy, each bead, each rock, each seed, each dust mite that he is carrying has a purpose and he uses them. He knows where each little thing is and he will know if it goes missing. Why he does that, I have no idea. I don't know where in the world he got that.

Most things he does and says can be traced back to someone in the house. Not only does he collect little "junk," he collects traits and phrases from people.

Chan loves to play video games (or watch others play really), and when he messes up, he whines and says "Freakin...." He does that whenever he's upset too. Derek was playing with a Sega Game Gear (yes, we own one still) in the corner of the living room. I was sitting there doing my incredibly boring homework in silence when I hear "Ugh...freakin!" I look over and Derek is pouting. Two seconds later, he did it again "Ugh! Freakin!" I asked him what was wrong, apparently he was messing up on his game.

Derek is a sucker for "tewt" things. If he thinks it's cute, then he's all over it. He loves shiny things, especially necklaces. He also loves to have his nails painted. Unfortunately, he has people who love to paint his nails! So his nails are always painted. One fine Sunday, Bishop Brooks from our neighborhood was telling Derek that next time he needs to say "No No, Morgan, No nail polish!" I wasn't there when he was told that, but later I asked Derek about it and he said "Oh yea! No! No nail polish, Mugie!" I showed him my neat nails that I had just painted and asked if he liked them. He said "Oh yes! I do! I love those!" then he thought about it a second and said "No, No Mugie! No polish!"

Derek is really sarcastic all the time. (Yes, that was my contribution to his life.)

Nathan is Derek's favorite person. He always asks me when "faithen" will be home. He loves trying to wrestle Nathan. He also loves bossing Nathan around. My favorite time is once when Nathan and I were laying on the carpet in the livingroom and Derek had to make a choice: go to the store with Grandma or stay home with us. He thought about it and said "Mugie, Faithen, stay here. Sleep!" Then he rethought it and yelled to Grandma "No, I'm gonna stay here and play with my horsey!" He then wanted Nathan to be his horse.

Someday, unfortunately, Derek is going to grow up. I can't wait to remind him of the days when he wore nail polish, wore girl panties around his neck, and choked on noodles. Thankfully, he's still small enough that I can pin him and keep him down for a good tickling.

Happy Birthday this week, Beaner!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

A Real Post

So I'm "done" coding for right now. In other words, I quit. I cannot code. I can't handle doing that for too long. If you've ever coded, you know what I mean. If you haven't...I don't suggest it.

There are so many more exciting things I can be doing right now. I could go put gas in my car (because driving to Mapleton takes gas). I could go out and take pictures (I'm slacking on that). I could work on my storyboard--no, wait, that's as bad as coding, nevermind. I could keep watching ANTM, but its getting old.

Or I could tell you about what I do for work right now. Or what I have been doing anyway. I've been working on the show "Dining with the Dean." It's on BYUTV...so yes, it is incredibly clean and is most definitely rated G. Here's a link:


http://byutv.org/show/25ef4371-2870-4cac-89e0-85dc7ec67bdd

Although the show is a little...um...calm? It's a blast to work on. I love it. I love the crew to pieces.

flashback:

When I first stepped onto the set with this crew, I felt extremely comfortable already. When I walk onto any set I feel comfortable, but this was different. It was home. I felt like I'd already worked for these guys for ages. It wasn't hard at all to adjust to their styles. It was a really odd experience. It wasn't deja vu, but it was. I knew who everyone was, what they liked, how they operated, and I hadn't spoken to any of them. This is what I was supposed to be doing.

Now:

Now that I've worked a few shows with them, I've definitely adjusted fully, and I love it. Working film is what I love, but I especially love these guys. I can't say that enough. This is definitely a group of people I want to work for for a very long time. In fact...they did talk to me about working for them on their resort work. So cross your fingers!!


What else is going on in my life? School...a lot of school. Not that that's bad. I love the people I go to school with. Sometimes I get incredibly irritated, but at the same time, we're all aiming for the same goal right now, and if I can just deal with the annoying people, we can accomplish our goal.

So it's October...know what that means? PUMPKIN CARVING! Nathan and I have some big plans for this pumpkin carving season! ;) Stay tuned for that.

I'm pretty sure I've said this, but for the first time ever, I have a true girly friend! Not only that, I have 2!! 2 girly friends! Timera and Robyn. I love them to pieces.

I can't even tell you how much I love spending time with Robyn. And just talking to her is great! It always makes me smile.

I love story time with Timera (if she ever becomes a teacher, she needs to have "story time with miss timera"). It's fun. We're both at somewhat the same stages in life, and it's great to have her there. =)

Thanks to both my girly friends!

Well, I have to pee, so I'm gonna wrap this up.

I built this, so please enjoy and don't knock it too hard. I'm working on making it better.

Entertaining Myself

Sometimes I get incredibly bored when Nathan is at work. I'm supposed to be coding right now, but I'm just so bored with it. All I think when I code is "Open. Close. Open. Close. Enter. Enter. Open. Close. Open. Close..." so boring! While coding, I'm watching America's Next Top Model. But it's not keeping me very entertained, at all. So I'm going to write a story, for my entertainment. If it entertains you too, that's fantastic! Let's begin.


The clock ticked softly on the wall. Second after second, she listened and waited. The footsteps she'd been waiting for rose quickly from the silence. Her breath caught in her chest. For what seemed like hours, her eyes remained locked on the door. There was no way out, save for that door. The footsteps ceased. Letting her breath out slowly, she tried to slow her racing heart. There wasn't much time left, and she knew that. As soon as that doorknob turned, she would need to move. She waited.

The light leaking through the bottom of the door, the light that had been giving her at least some hope, was blocked. Shadow swallowed the hope. Slowly, the knob turned on the door. Every muscle tensed in her petite body. The hope that had vanished returned as light spilled into the room. A dark figure cut a strong shape into the warm light. It was time.



well that was fun... I really should get back to work now. Before I do, please, enjoy this:


Thursday, September 15, 2011

I'm a Big Girl Now, WOW!

I believe I've used that title before, but I don't care.

I just wanted the world to know that I'm growing up. I finally weigh over 100 lbs, solidly. I'm a consistent 105-110. With that, I finally have BACK DIMPLES! I've been wishing I had those for a long time now. I'll post a pic when I feel better.

That's the first way that I'm all grown up. The second way is that I don't actually care to bake "Revenge cookies" or anything. I'm mad and hurt inside, but I don't actually want to let him know. I'm 19, and I'll think like a 19 year old still, so I'll still be hurt and I'll probably hold a grudge, but I won't do anything about it.

Just thought I'd let you all know.

Monday, September 12, 2011

In Review

Alright, it's been a while since I actually posted something real. Here I am now, though! That's all that matters, right?

I don't know if you remember this post: This Does Not Equate. If you don't, that's okay. I'm going to recap and review with you.

This is a punching bag.
This is a Morgan.


 They are very different. They are not the same. Remember now? 

Now let's move on a little. 

This is a toy. 


Again, this is a Morgan. 
Are you sensing a pattern here? 

I am Morgan. I have always been Morgan. I will always be Morgan. I will always have dreams (not just the ones I get when I sleep, but the ones that make me want to actually wake up and work). I will always have fears. I will always be curious, and nervous, and I will get angry. I will always love with my whole heart. I will respect you until you give me reason not to. 

I just want you all to understand this. You (you know who you are, Mr.) need to understand this. You may be older, but you're sure as heck missing this small bit of life knowledge. You know I'm smaller than you, and younger than you, and a lot more innocent than you. You know that I trusted you and tried really hard to be your friend. I definitely thought we were friends. But I'm not sorry I did this to your precious bike: 
In fact, I would do it again, only better. I wouldn't hold back.I'm a 19 year old girl, and I will play like one until 11:59 pm the night before my birthday. That's one month. And I swear, if you can't play nicely, then neither will I. 

I am not yours. You can go mess up your life on your own.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Right Now

Right now:

I am wearing three shirts (a pink cami, a tan t-shirt and a blue vest thing), blue jeans, B.O.C. shoes, blue socks with blue dots on them, three bracelets.OH! and a leather belt. oh, and my ring!

I am feeling tired.

My eye burns, there must be something in it.

My shift key on the left side is broken...

I just finished my storyboarding assignment:


I am not hungry for once.

I think my phone is broken, but I don't want to touch it to find out...

There is a lot on my mind. (I don't like school right now; I don't feel like I'm learning anything. I don't particularly want to go to work in the AM, but I need the money and the experience. I don't want to listen to people, and I'm having a difficult time not being totally selfish.)

That's all for now, the broken shift key is really killing me.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

...

Well Labor Day sucked. It royally sucked. I want to rewind to Sunday and sleep through Monday.

If you know me at all, you know that I'm not happy until I finish what I set out to do. I can set my mind to something and keep at it for hours, days or weeks on end. The thing is, I don't have time for it. I don't have time to sit and watch the grass grow... I don't have time for everything.

It's a simple problem. Everyone has it. Not enough hours in a day to accomplish everything. I, however, don't handle it well. It really frustrates me and makes me angry when I can't accomplish something. I beat myself up over it.

This, though, hasn't been too much of an issue because I've had Nathan with me the whole time. He's been there through thick and thin. He's been there on the days where all I want to do is sleep and cry because I'm so angry. He's been there when I needed him and when I simply wanted him. He's been there to help me work, or study, or play. He's been my everything... And how did I tell him Thanks? I screwed up our relationship.

I don't want to talk about it. I'm just going to sit here and cry about how stupid I am and how I wish I could take everything back...

Sometimes, I am my own worst enemy and, like with all my other enemies, I want to prove myself wrong. I can't though. I don't know how. But I know that I really hate watching my whole world just disappear from under me.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Urban Dictionary

Makenzie: makenzies are sooooooooooo cool. if you dont know a makenzie, you have to get to know one, and if you do but you arent friends with her, youre just a fat hoe! she will love the man she loves now and will never let him go. you must be the luckiest person alive if you are dating a makenzie. she is the most loyal friend and she is super pretty, smart, attractive, cool, popular, cute, loving, and wonderful person alive. everyone loves a makenzie!

Chandler: 1. (n)meaning one who brings light
2. (n)one who is gifted beyond measure; often on a soccer field
3. (v)to show, prove, or establish dominance over another being; often one who is inferior in skill or intellect

Braxton: The best boyfreind you could ever have oh and did i menchin hes hot,a great kisser,and good at many things!!!!

Derek: Someone you CANNOT get off your mind because he is always so funny and cute. A Derek is a hotty with a killer body.

Nathan: A guy who is caring and intelligent and is superior to all even God.He is loved by all his mates and is there for everyone who has problems and is a great listener.He is so caring and such a strong fighter that nothing can beat him.He is the kinda guy you want as a mate or a lover.A legend at the guitar and guitar hero.He is just an amazing happy person who is easy to love.He has a very nice personality and is very easy on the eyes and is very cute.He is a perfect man in everway unless you cross his path when he is sleepy then you have hell to pay lol. Generally a nice guy with lots of friends who adore and love him.A one of a kind...

Morgan: 
She's the most beautiful girl you will ever see. Every feature that she posseses is engraved in your mind from the second you lay eyes on her. Morgan is not limited to just physical features, her personality is equally as beautiful. 
 
Charles: Pronoun: "Charles" refers to only the world's greatest and sexiest Irishman. Sports the world's greatest smile; he's hot, hilarious, humble. Well known for his impish personality, he exudes mischief and fun at all times. He is the most giving person in the world; ready to listen at the drop of a hat whether it's midnight or 3 pm or go kick some serious ass when needed. He believes in the "3 F's": Faith, Family, and Finances. (You don't cross any of them... ) Is destined to either marry an Italian before 30 or join Mount Saint Mary's at 35. Once graduated from the country's greatest school (for those who don't know... that's UVA) he will be wreaking havoc on 6-7th graders having them prove infinity while he comes up with a new number system and re-structures relativity. He's known and respected by all, deeply loved by a close few.
 
Timera: The Single Most Beautiful Girl In Hamilton, Ontario. 
 
Robyn: Women with the name Robyn are: beautiful, angel-like in appearance, selfless, kind, sweet, caring of others, and make wonderful mothers, Robyn makes a good friend and is a shoulder to lean on. Robyn's are bright beacons of light, they are righteous and believe in religion. Robyn believes that family is the most important thing in the world.
 
Well, I'm off to bed. Night! 


post

I've been sitting here, trying to think of things to post about, but I honestly have got nothing. If I post about what's on my mind, you'll hear a really long (and probably redundant) story about some jerk who isn't a friend at all, but pretends to be. Or I could tell you about how much I miss Nathan... I could tell you that I got my hair cut, but that happens. My plans? I'm going to Logan for the weekend, and I'm sure that'll bring back some interesting posts for you. Right now, though, I just don't have anything.

I was sitting here, thinking about it, and I realized that all these people I thought were friends really weren't. Yea, it's that same group that's been pissing me off for a while now. The fact that they hung out without me is alright, but no one even stuck up for me. I always stuck up for each of them at least once (when the situation arose). I don't think they realize it, but friendship isn't selfish... oh well, one day they'll figure it out when no one sticks up for them.

I really do miss Nathan. With school and work and stuff we hardly get to spend time together anymore. It really sucks. We see each other at night and then we have to go to bed...*Sigh* it better get better...otherwise I may just stop sleeping so I can hang out with him.

I'm going to Logan for work but I'm going to get to see one of my best friends ever. That'll be a lot of fun...assuming I'm not totally exhausted... haha

well, that was fun. here, enjoy a couple DYAC's:


definitely two of my favorites. haha.