Monday, May 27, 2013

Glass Cage

This week, I learned that sometimes we put people in glass cages. 

For example: 

Just kidding. 

But really. We put people in glass cages by how we choose to treat them. Bear with me, I'm not going to get all preachy on you. I just came to this realization. 

I am in a glass cage... people have put me there my the way they treat me in a certain social gathering that occurs weekly. It's not a big deal, really its not. and it isn't everyone. 

I have put people in glass cages... by how I treat them. 

You create a wall, a barrier. You build it up around yourself and under yourself. It's a way of "dealing" with people you don't want to deal with. It's a way of pushing out the things that don't fit into your life. 

I have probably put people in glass cages more than I even am aware of. I really wish I hadn't. But I think it's inevitable. I think that, as humans, we do that... I also know that, as humans, we have feelings... I know how sad, angering, and painful it is to stand inside a glass cage and look out confidently. No one wants to look like they've been cornered, neglected, or pushed out. We all aspire to be confident, strong, desirable people.  It sucks when you have to admit that you aren't all those things. 

The thing with the glass cage is that by being placed in someone else's glass cage, you aren't cornered, neglected, or pushed out. They are. The cage builders build cages because they themselves feel cornered, neglected, and pushed's their way back in.

It's impossible not to feel angry at being "caged." The thing is, if you get angry, the cagers keep you caged... The one thing I have found to work so far is just realizing that people do this and it isn't anything to worry about. Life does go on... drawing attention to the glass around me helps me to realize I can move out of is not put there by me...and there will always be a way out. 

I know all of this was a little serious and weird...and dramatic. So to make up for it, here is a picture of something a soldier drew during WWII: 

Check out the other sketches he did, here: The sketches are really really cool. 

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Stating the Obvious

Since graduation, I've had a lot of time to think. I've been able to really give consideration to things that I never really could before. One of the many things I've given consideration to is writing. 

Every writer will tell you that no matter what he/she has written, hidden inside are pieces of him/her. That statement always seemed really silly to me. That's because all through school I've only written to get things done. I had due dates for reports, stories, then, eventually, scripts. While all of that was cool, it was just words on paper. Even in my creative writing class a few semesters ago, all I did was throw some clever words together and turn them in with a title. Today, though, I really thought about writing. 

I hit my head a few days ago, and due to the sensitivity of my brain, it sort of put me out of commission. Even now, I've had to do all my typing in short bursts. At work, all I did was doodle on a page because looking at a screen (for work purposes, or, more importantly, pinterest and imgur) hurt my head. When I finally did sit down and write something, it felt different. 

I finally gave it consideration. I started to put words on a page, and suddenly, they all meant something. I was writing a silly scenario that I thought up a few months ago. It isn't about my life, but while writing it, I realized it is my life. Not that I'm doing swim lessons, or taking a baking class (yet...just wait guys...), but the story is my life. 

I thought back to the first story I ever wrote. It was about a ratoncito (a mouse) and a gato (a cat). It was a fable about why cats and mice don't get along. (Mind you, I also illustrated was a masterpiece.) The story is entirely in Spanish, very basic Spanish. I was only 6 at the time. But I still remember the magic of creating this mouse that pissed of a cat... That story was my 6 year-old life made into a fable.

I thought about my next big piece I wrote. I was probably about 10. It was a story about getting lost in space on accident. (A game of hide 'n' seek gone wrong.) I wrote it down somewhere (Grandma might have it in my file box), but I also recorded myself reading it. I didn't have an end to the story, so I made one up as I read aloud. That story was 10 year-old me written out. 

My thoughts came back to the story I was writing now. This story is me, right now. 21 year-old, post-college, caught up in the magic of life, me. Suddenly, I got very scared of creating that story. 

Now, I do share pieces of me...all the time. Right now, for example. I blog. I post on facebook on occasion. In a way, that's all different. I am very carefully presenting myself to you. I am choosing what I share. When I write a story, though, I don't get to pick what I put in. Okay, wait, let me try that one again. I do choose what I put in, but not which parts of me show the most. I don't know if the reader will see the scared pieces, the inexplicably odd pieces, the silly pieces, the dark pieces, the loving pieces. And on top of that...will those pieces come across as annoying? Will they be accurate reflections of me? 

When all of that hit me...the words stopped coming. I know all writers hit that at some point...that scary realization that you are stripping down for the whole world. Writers are some of the most open and honest people, now that I've thought about it. Also the most cryptic. We just reveal ourselves to the world and hope for the best. That's all that can be done really. 

I wish I could say that just as quickly as the fear hit me, it left. That, however, is not at all true. I have 5 pretty cool pages I wrote this afternoon while eating a dreamsicle. (I may end up fat at the end of this summer.) I'm not sure I want to share those pages, though. I am proud of them, but then again, they are of course I am. The only solace I have, is that I have a lot of pages to still write to get to my ending. I'll deal with the fear when that time comes. 

For now, enjoy this picture of an old couple smiling at a sandwich. 

(it's a cellphone picture...the phone was swapped for a sandwich. made me laugh pretty good.)

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Week One of Freedom!

You guys, I made it! I actually made it! I graduated! Bachelors of Science in DGM, aw yea! Like a boss! I was a little worried my grades wouldn't be up to par to actually get a diploma, but this semester was by far the best. (Nothing below a B-.)

My professors were amazing. I can't tell you enough how amazing they were.

Matt (for ASL 1010) was incredible. I never ever dreaded going to his class, even when I forgot to do my homework. He was exactly what I expect every teacher to be like. He was always smiling and laughing. I don't think that man has a serious bone in his body. Class was always really great. He gave a million great examples of each thing, and was always really really clear on what he wanted. Nothing was left in the grey area. It was a great experience.

I met a lot of great people because of that class, as well. I can now communicate with a large number of people that were virtually unreachable before. It's amazing. I love it! I think I'll continue on with it in the coming years. The culture and the language are both really great! I love it! Thanks, Matt!

James (for Scriptwriting for Stage and Screen) was hands down the best creative writing teacher I have ever had. I struggled a bit in his class, which was the best part. He pushed me farther than any other writing teacher ever has. I learned more from him than I thought I would, that's for sure. I really enjoyed it. I now feel both more confident and less confident in my own writing. I feel like I know more now, and I have a better understanding of what direction to go, but I also can see now where I am truly lacking. It's an amazing thing! I can't wait to write more...but I can also wait to write more...

Dennis (for senior projects) was his usual Dennis-y self: scattered and talkative. It was really great though. I learned more from him this semester than I have all semester, and I think it's because he was more hands-off. Usually he's very hands-on, always on top of your work. This semester he left it up to us, which was great. I got to see where the lines were: where my tasks and responsibilities ended and where his began. It was a nice change. I'm very thankful for that. Thank you, Dennis.

Marj (for technical writing) was pretty fantastic. Her class was very different from any others I've taken. We played with legos, ate cookies, made sandwiches, and had a lot of professionals talk to us. It was a great experience. The class was always really simply put together, but that provided for the best lessons. It was always open for discussion, and she was very willing to talk and foster our discussions. Never once did we wonder what was going on, or what needed to happen. It was a pretty fun class. =)

If I tagged you and you read all that, then you can stop reading if you like. I just wanted to say thank you to my professors. =) so THANK YOU! A million thanks for helping me get through the semester!

Compared to this past semester, this week has been strange. It's been so empty, so free, and yet so painfully stressful.

School is now over. No more homework. No more tests... WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE!!

Everything seems so scary, and yet, I have never been more excited. I have the whole world at my finger tips! It's great! It's terrifying! I'm ready!

I've been applying for jobs daily, but as you all know, it's rough finding them. =( I just found one though, about ten minutes ago that I want more than all the stars in the sky. I'm crying because there is one qualification I don't specifically meet...and that makes me horribly sad. I'm going to apply anyway, and pray harder than ever for it. Please wish me luck!

In the meantime, I went to the library. I checked out ten books. Ten incredibly large books. Here's a photo of me with the books:

(I threw that in to break up the text)

They're mostly design books. I'm going to teach myself InDesign. I don't know that program, so I figured, why not! It'll give me something to do with my time. In fact, I wanted to learn InDesign in a month (a little shorter than a block semester at UVU), so I got a whiteboard and created a set of goals, or daily tasks...

Let's see if I can keep up on this. I'm going to hang it in my bathroom, so I see it every morning as a reminder, and every night to see that I actually did it. Here's to hoping, right! =)

Since I haven't had too much to do, I went on a field trip with Chandler's class. Here's a photo of Chan holding a June Sucker (one of two native fishes in Utah Lake):

Well that's about it. I'm gonna go work on my resume and cover letter for that dream job. WISH ME LUCK! (Pray, cross your fingers, eat fish chips and custard, whatever will help me have good luck)

Here's a funny gif for good measure! 

Love you! (for karma)

P.S. I got bored at work one day, during a rush time (there was a small break). I drew people's ID pictures in paint. They make me laugh really hard whenever I see them. ENJOY!

Double P.S. I made a rug! It turned into more of a hat, but I made a rug!