Day To Day With Depression

People living with depression know the biggest battle is the day to day. It's like your cup of energy has a hole in the bottom. Every night, when other peoples' cups get refilled, yours just drains back out. It's the worst. You can't even "borrow" energy from the next day. There isn't anything there!

Not having energy fuels the depression. You aren't able to accomplish even the simplest of tasks without needing some down time. There isn't energy to complete your homework, do the dishes, wash your laundry, or even showering sometimes. Imagine not being able to accomplish those simple every day tasks while the world goes on around you. It's defeating. It can make you feel like you aren't capable of anything, which can lead to worse thoughts.

It's common for people with depression to use medication to help balance the chemicals in the brain,(I have to take two to counter each other's side effects...) but there are some small things you can do to help feel like you are still playing an active role in your own life. For me, getting out of the rut of exhaustion and defeat took a while. I want to share three things that have greatly helped me.

The first is to prioritize. You don't have to do this daily. Once you prioritize once, it kind of all falls into place the next day. It did for me anyway.

Prioritize: There are three types of tasks: Essential, Necessary, and Good.

I had one Essential task. Take care of M.

Sometimes, this is my entire day. 

My Necessary tasks were things like eating (yes, that is hard to do when you don't have energy and you're out of your favorite cereal), showering, brushing my teeth, etc. Just the basic needs of myself.

My Good tasks were all the other things: dishes, cooking dinner, laundry, tidying up, etc. If it didn't endanger us (germs), or endanger my marriage, then it was listed under "good."

The second is the Five Minute Rule. No, it isn't about eating food off the floor, that's the Five Second Rule. The Five Minute Rule is designed to help you make baby steps toward accomplishments.

Five Minute Rule: Pick a task you need to do. It can be anything! Dishes, laundry, throwing out trash, doing homework, showering, etc. Do that task for five minutes. If at five minutes you feel like you can continue, then do it! If you don't feel like you can, then stop. Simple as that.

I emphasized the word "can" because sometimes we feel like we have to finish our tasks. Don't feel obligated to finish anything.

I used the five minute rule to do my laundry and dishes (I know I have used those as an example a lot, but those were the biggest things for me). After five minutes, I often realized that the tasks didn't take a lot of energy. Once in a while they took way too much energy and I stopped doing them. I ended up building up about four weeks of clean laundry to put away.

The third thing is about yourself. It's very easy to get caught up in feeling obligated to fill the needs of others, especially in a marriage with a baby! But it is critical for your mental health that you do things for yourself. At first I felt incredibly selfish setting aside time for myself. I mean, M can't do anything on his own.

Take Care of Yourself: Every day do two things: one you find enjoyable and one that makes you feel accomplished.

My "accomplishment" task,
washing my hair. 

It's hard with depression to enjoy things like you used to, or like other people do. I get that. At first my enjoyable things were watching a TV show, or playing a game on my phone. It's since evolved into writing in my journal (which has always been my favorite thing), and talking more with Rich. (Depression takes a huge toll on marriages. Communication is both important and difficult.)

Sometimes, with depression, the activities that make you feel accomplished seem to pale in comparison with those you see on social media. People are off buying homes, traveling the world, getting married, having babies, retiring, graduating! All these great things and your idea of accomplishment is to shave your legs. That's great! It's not about the size of the accomplishment or how it would look on social media. It's about how you feel. Feel accomplished dusting? Great! Way to go!! Feel accomplished folding your blankets? Awesome! Keep doing it! It does not matter what others might think about your accomplishments. Your opinion is the only one that matters in this.

I realize that I am lucky enough to have a husband who understands my struggles. He hasn't experienced it, but he's understanding, patient, and supportive. I know not everyone has someone like that in their life. Know that you can always message me, and I will support the heck out of you! Want to brag about folding those towels? Heck yeah I'll listen, I'll even applaud!

You can work through the day to day. You can pull yourself up. You are strong enough. You are capable. What you are feeling is not uncommon. You are not bad at life. You are not imagining your depression. You can do this!!