Understanding Autism

This is D on his first day of 4th grade. He picked his outfit out himself. It was a long day of shopping to find those red pants. Ever since he saw my red pants he wanted some of his own. (He also has a bright blue pair that he loves.) The shoes were his second choice. He wanted shiny shoes, but they didn't have any in his size. Usually he wears a white T shirt that is likely covered in stains because it's his go to shirt. The Minecraft shirt is a huge step for him. His hair is a little shorter than he usually likes, but that's because he wanted to try a new hairstyle but changed his mind halfway through the cut. The stylist had to cut it shorter to try to fix it. She did a great job. 

This is how D is comfortable. He might wear this outfit six days in a row. It's comfortable. He likes how the shirt feels against his skin. It doesn't bother him. He likes how the red pants look ("cool" is the word he uses). He feels they help him fit in. This outfit is a careful balance between fitting in and being comfortable. 

BYU vs. Oregon Ducks Baseball.
(Our cousin plays for the ducks.)

D has Autism. It causes his skin to be sensitive to the touch. The wrong type of fabric can overwhelm him. The possibility of unknown reactions to his clothes causes him anxiety. It seems ridiculous to most people. A shirt is a shirt. Cotton is cotton, it all feels the same to us. Honestly, in 4th grade, no one really cares about someone else's pants... But to D, it all matters. It's all very important. 

Along with touch sensitivity, and fear of the unexpected, he also has taste sensitivity. Anything remotely minty burns his mouth. (Do I buy mint candy so he won't steal it? Maybe...) He loves to taste things. I don't mean just samples at Costco, everything. Even if it isn't edible. He sneaks a taste when he thinks no one is watching. 

D also thrives off expectedness. I am the opposite. I thrive off needing to adapt. I seek out challenges just so I can adapt to them. D does not. He would rather watch the same segment of Lord of the Rings 100 times before watching a movie he doesn't recognize. When he has a doctor's appointment, I have to tell him at least two days in advance so he can plan on it. If something unexpectedly comes up, he breaks down and can't handle it. I am very spur of the moment. I might be lazy one second and decide to go to the park the next. D doesn't like that. He needs to know when we are going to the park, which park, how long we will be there, and what exactly we will do while there. 

We have to stop at Bath and Body works during
every mall trip. Need a recommendation?
D's got ya! 

The unexpectedness of life causes a lot of fears. Abstract thinking escapes him. Every elevator has a sign next to it that reads "In case of fire, use stairs." I explained to D that if the library were to catch fire, we would want to take the stairs because the elevator becomes unsafe. He thought I meant the elevator would catch fire spontaneously and we would all be trapped in it. Needless to say, we don't take the elevator anymore. 

All of these little quirks can easily be seen as inconveniences or problems. Sometimes they definitely feel that way (especially when school shopping). They really aren't though. They're opportunities. Most of us live our lives experiencing the world in the same way as those around us, with our five sense perfectly wired. Spicy food is spicy. Cotton is cotton. Elevators take us up and down, bypassing the many flights of stairs we encounter. Seeing the world this way can become a great disservice to yourself. 

For a long time, Autism was seen as a disability, something to be cured. Those with Autism were seen as less than. Slowly, the conversation is changing. As we grow to understand the mind of someone with Autism, our world expands. 

D knows the softest shirts around. You need a comfortable shirt? He will find it for you. Nothing you own is as comfy as what he owns. 

When you think of the places you've been, do you think of them in terms of how they tasted? I don't mean restaurants, I mean department stores, car washes, city parks, even the library.  This how D remembers places. "Morg, can we go to the place that had the soft chairs and was kind of sweet?" or "can we go to the park that tastes gross because of the skunks?" Even when I'm not with D, I pay attention to how a place smells (because I can't taste them like he can). Places that were previously boring have become interesting because of their smells. 

D's soda bottle for the fall festival 2016.

D's fear of elevators have given me legs of steel, and a huge appreciation for the lack of skyscrapers in Utah. I find myself rating staircases and avoiding buildings with staircases that are hot, gross, or scary instead of just taking the elevator. 

There are downsides and adjustments to his autism, but there are also amazing talents hidden underneath the quirks. His love of music is unrivaled. When he has the attention span, he can draw masterpieces. D has the softest heart. He loves to love and be loved.

M's biggest fan is D.

While autism is a neat little label for the way his brain works it doesn't define D. His love defines him. His ability to draw defines him. His love of music defines him. The way he strives to improve and learn defines him. 

This is a mouse we rescued from
our cat. His soft heart extends to
animals as much as people. 

How we react to him and treat him defines us. Either we can see those with autism as less than, or we can see them as the amazing individuals they are. I'm glad the conversation is changing. We all could benefit from experiencing life a little differently. The world has so much to offer us, and it seems that those with autism have the unique opportunity to unlock those secrets. Let them share that with you.