Tabernacle Tragedy

Notice the boy on the right...he moves so quickly the lens couldn't capture him clearly. =)

this is from the parking garage uppermost level. I didn't crop it on purpose. I like the random tower in the image there...

I'm really proud of this one. I love the feel of it.

This would have been so much cooler if the flag had been billowing!

I don't know if anyone else noticed, but every police blockade and tape line was upside down...

I call this "ladder to Heaven"

I wish I hadn't been so cold. I could have gotten cooler pictures of the icicles

No my night pictures are blurry. I was cold, and I forgot to change my ISO...

I like this one, even though it could have been better

It was a totally different site at night

The flames picked up again, and the smoke got higher

I would frame this and hang it on my wall...

I think this is the exact same picture as the last one. I just want you to fully appreciate it

My night ones are pretty messed up. Oh well, you live and learn

My first epic HDR! Some of the are HDR, but this one is my amazingly epic one. It's an artistic choice, It's not meant to look realistic

This one is also at the top, but it's an HDR. My first ever HDR.

Not an HDR, just a cool picture

I hope these people don't mind me showing off their backs to the world. 

I didn't take the pictures to document, I took them mostly for my own benefit. I took them as practice, and because I thought "Hey, Why not take pictures of this once in a life time event?" I showed up and guess who else was there? REESE! That was awesome, he taught me a lot of neat tricks, like HDR. Now I have a new trick to play around with.

Comment and critique, don't you dare just say "nice pictures" because that's not a (good) comment or a critique.

Washed Away

Washed away
and pushed downstream
So many thoughts and feelings
gone forever...

Caught in a net
of loss and pain
Tangled hearts and hands
grasping for each other...

The Edge

Standing on the
edge
Watching the world
crash
Silver mixed with red and
blue
Absorbed into the nothingness of
space
empty,
     desolate
          black
               whole.



*"Whole" is meant to be that way. not a typo

Just Like Him

Follow the leader
One by one
Watch each step
Mimic each motion
Breathe in time
Blink on three
Do just as he does
Pass all the others
Act on his instincts
It'll all be over soon
Now fall just as he does
Watch the mountains fly by
Like credits at the end
Of a sad, confused, lonely life

Puppet

Dance
Spin
Sit my puppet
Talk
Cry
Scream my puppet
Sleep
Relax
Dream my dear





If that seriously wasn't the darkest thing you've ever read...goodness.

Shadows

Hush, don't speak so loud
The shadows on the wall are listening
They lay in wait for you to slip
Keep your secrets locked away
The darkness calls from all around
Pulling at the depths of your soul
They want it to come out
They want you to scream
Hush, don't speak so loud

Forever with the Devil

Look into his eyes
They've lost their magic luster
Listen to his voice
It lingers in the wounds

Forever with the Devil
He'll twist and bind you still

Drown in her tears
You're the only one to blame
Watch as she tells God
All your dirty little secrets

Forever with the Devil
Her heart will rip with pain

Dance on your toes
Don't let your guard down
Be big, and powerful
Try to hide the shame

Forever with the Devil
Controlling your leaders...

Forever the Devil...
Forever yours...

Never Forget

There's a whisper in the wind
They say it calls your name
My heart is numb with grief
And can no longer hear the sigh
Two thousand voices roar
They destroy the sweet call
My heart is numb with grief
And can no longer hear the sigh
My hands are raw and blistered
They cannot hold on anymore
There is a time to let go
A time to move forward in faith
But my heart is numb with grief
And can no longer hear the sigh
Though my eyes are dry
My world is wet with tears
I cry inside myself for you
Knowing you're gone from here
My heart is numb with grief,
But I can never forget...

what they can never have

They're waiting
Waiting for you
They want you
Want you to fall

They're listening
Listening for cries
They're hoping
Hoping you fail

Make no mistake
Don't look down
Stare into their eyes
Burn into them fear.

Make them
Make them fear you
Sear their hearts
With the dreams of your own

Change them
Change their eyes
Replace them
Replace them with yours

Teach them to listen
Help them to crave
Make them want
What they can never have.

Poetic Justice

Fluttering eyelids
on the edge of dusk.
The setting sun
coloring the grave.
Rosey pinks
in child's joy.
Musky blues
in saddened tears.
The end of a day
The end of a life.

look in the mirror

Look in the mirror
Nothin' but a brick wall
Emotions stand solid,
Then tremble and fall.
Pulling you down
faster and faster
Can't get a grip on reality
Grasping and fighting
For what you can't reach
Holding
Slipping
And tripping down
and endless road

faded paint

Empty inside
the painted walls
that hold captive
the soul of creation.

Faced with
untrue truths
from all sides
from each corner

Like the
faded paint
on the surface
chipped and worn

Cracks split
Through the color
and steal the beauty
of the sky

Picture Perfect Reality

One third to the right
Two thirds down
pixel by pixel
The hem of a white gown.

In the middle
Centered in the frame
Four hands; two rings
Golden love: a burning flame

One third to the left
In the top square
A young man's smile
Beneath his curly brown hair

Thousands of pixels
of timeless love
not just on Earth
but now sealed above.

Lace

Caught in the hole
between time and space,
Knitting events
creating a lace.

A cloth soul-woven
by memories of you;
A pattern so delicate
only the knots hold true.

Each knot tied
and bound by grace.
Thinking of you
I wrap myself in lace.

Never Let Go

Never let go
and never look back.
Think of the future
hang on to the past.
Always together,
never alone.
Believe in the stars,
reach for your best.
You and me,
a cut above the rest.
Nothing to lose and nothing
to fear.

Whispers

Whispers from the past
Calling out from the dust
Cries of help and hope
Tears of love and lust

God's land forsaken
Sinners revolution
Saints' souls lost
in false solution

Memories appear
As ghosts in a mist
A life now lost
and hard to resist

Laughter and Longing
Hope in a living Hell
Sinners and Saints
all have a story to tell.

Ripples

A ripple in a pond
breaking a reflection
of what could be
a mirror of what isn't
a view you can't see

A pause in the wind
a beat amidst time
starring us down
with whispers of love lost
hope without sound

A shooting star

A glimmer of hope
In the night sky
Here and then gone
Without a goodbye

A chance to be seen
In but a second of light
Whizzing right by
creating a magical night

As fast as it comes
It goes again
Wishes blown out
And carried away by the wind

unkept promises

In then out
Here and there
Around, but gone
Truth in lies
Everything and nothing
Yes and no
Offer and Deny
Unkept promises...

Hope...

Hope
That tomorrow will come
Faith
That the sun will rise
Dream
of that which is hard
Love those around you
Befriend
No one

Christmas

I am extremely excited for Christmas. I don't know why I'm so excited. I just am. I can't wait for the holidays. Christmas songs on the radio. Wearing two pairs of pants and at least three shirts plus a jacket. That much closer to getting a car. Seeing that A on my transcript. Making snow men. Decorating. Gifts. Ridiculous traffic. Buying tissues every time I go to the store. I can't wait!

Gone in the current

gone in the current
over rock and ridge
across valley and plain
watching sunsets and surises
away from the pains of life

I need you

I see your name
I want to hear your voice

I read your words
I want to see your face

Comfort in a losing battle
Support in every choice

Don't forget about me
I don't want to be erased

Wind

A change in the breeze
A directional shift
New places to visit
A new way to drift

A whisper on the wind
Tempting me to follow
Passing people and faces
Eyes completely blank and hollow

Catch me on the current
Hold me in your heart
Though the wind pulls us
It can never tear us apart.

Greenhouse

It starts with a seed
It's what they all say

Water it,
Watch it,
Weed it,
It will grow

Friendship?
An acorn
Faith?
Mustard
Love?
A flower

Us?
a garden?
a field?
a plantation?

Too late,
It's fall
No more growing
Only harvesting

Empty?
Greenhouse?
Probably,
Maybe...
Hopefully

I love you

Ride the wind
Let it all go by

Don't look back
Feel the sky

Count each star
They're yours

Forget the past
And all the horrors

Listen to me speak
Hear my heart beat

I love you

Summer

If I could touch the sky,
I would

If I could catch a star
I would

If I could swim the seas
I would

You thought I couldn't
But I could

I thought you wouldn't
But you did

The sky is too far
I can't catch a star
And the seas are too deep
But you are mine to keep

Hold my hand
Let's catch the breeze

Say my name
Under the trees

Kiss me softly
I ask, Please...

Children. Yikes

Some of the things kids say make me smile, So I'm going to share them with you.

"Taylor says animals are  a piece of crap..." -Spencer
"I don't remember when my birthday is. Eric, do you know when my birthday is?" -Spencer
"I eat a lot. I eat when I'm bored, and I'm ALWAYS bored." -Spencer
"I know why they call them bonk beds. It's because you bonk your head when you jump on it." -B

"Can I used the voice thing?" -C
"Yes." -Me
"Yes?" -C
"Yes." -Me
"No?" -C
"Yes!" -Me
"Yes?" -C
"Yes!!" -Me
"So is that a yes?" -C

Let's Go Fly A Kite

Two nights ago it was really windy, if you didn't notice. While I was standing in it I decided it was time to fly kites. The kids all have small kites and Nathan had a new kite he hadn't ever flown before. We got them all out and spent two hours untangling them for every half hour we spent flying them. They got stuck on roofs, in trees, in bushes, over fences and almost in a power line. Cars ran over the strings that laid on the ground; cats chased the kite tails, and D chased the cats. It was a lot of fun. While chasing down Nathan's kite I thought about the silliness of it. The kites all cost about $1 (except for Nathan's), and the time spent untangling each one was probably not worth it. The kids enjoyed it though. Heck I enjoyed it. It was simple, and fun and it wore the kids out. Sure the kids have never been to Disneyland, or to the beach or out of the state, but not every kid in our neighborhood owns a kite. Not every kid that owns a kite actually goes out to fly it. It's the simple things like that that make childhood amazing. It's not the parties, or the trips. It's the times that they get to go set up a candy stand, or fly a kite, or play games in the livingroom with the family. It's the times that are made by watching America's funniest home videos. Or when you sit and try to be the winner on Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? It's always the small things that matter. Trips and parties are great, but family time is what truly matters.

WAIT! STOP THE CLOCK! i'm not ready to grow up yet...

Okay, I think I might barf. Seriously...

So first off, know that I am NOT judging anyone. I don't think anything less of anyone I mention in this post, I PROMISE!

One day I was sitting in the office cutting out paper hearts or something and these girls I'm with start talking about the wedding. I was EXTREMELY confused. Who gets married in high school? Then I found out it was some people that I knew. One that I've known since forever! I was pretty blown away. Then I found out that they have at least one kid... again, BLOWN AWAY. Right then I think I would have thrown up except for I hadn't eaten much so I needed to keep all food inside of me.

Then my neighbor across the road comes home from his MISSION. That means he's 21... no big deal, except that IT IS A BIG DEAL! This is a kid I've known my entire life. Now he's all grown up and preparing for marriage and junk. That's cool and all, but he's twenty FREAKIN one!

Then my neighbor down the road gets married. She's an adult and has every right to do that. But it was so weird seeing her with her husband at their reception. Isn't she still a little girl? My goodness.

Then I'm just barely sitting here playing on facebook, which I haven't done in a long time. And I see this name on my wall updates that I don't recognize. So I click on the name and BAM it's a girl I've known for so long! Turns out she got married last month and has an adorable baby girl.

One of my best friends is moving out and away! She'll be gone, just as quick as the day she appeared in my neighborhood ten years ago or so. WTM? She can't do that! She's what? Ten still? Honestly!

She's not the only one moving out and away, this other kid I know is doing it too! I know he's still about five, mentally, so he should really just stay put...for a long long long time. Maybe forever actually. He can't possibly be old enough to move out on his own! but he's doing it anyway!

WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED!? It's like I blinked and BAM everyone is all grown up! I can still remember being little with these people... and that's amazing because I can barely remember what I did last week! I am so not ready for this. I'm ready to sit back, relax and watch a little "te-vy." I am in no way ready to watch my friends grow up. Nope, not at all. No way, Jose. (Got it Jose? NO WAY!)

So if you'd be so kind as to stop the clock, I'd like to get off for a while.

Kindergarten

Let's be five for a second.

When I was five I went to kindergarten. I made friends, all boys. My teacher told me I was really a big girl because I didn't think boys were icky. (Little did she know, I never ever thought of boys as icky.) When someone stole my toys, I didn't go steal toys from someone else, I didn't even steal my toys back! Instead, I asked the kid nicely if we could share, or I told my teacher I needed help. I got rewarded for that too. I learned very quickly that "she did it first" was NOT an excuse. Overall, I had a great childhood.

Now let's jump this direction, to 18.

I'm graduating. I made new friends in my college classes, almost ALL boys again. One of my best friends is a boy actually. No one is telling me I'm a big girl. In fact, they all wonder if I have any friends at all. Everyone tells me I need friends that are girls. HELLO! I DO HAVE THOSE! Not as many, but I still have them! My sisters steal my stuff ALL THE TIME, and I still don't steal back. When I ask for help, I'm told to just steal their clothes. Apparently "she did it first" is a legitimate excuse these days. What happened?

I don't know what happened. I honestly have no bloody clue. I used to be rewarded for having Derek as my best friend. Now with Nathan as my best friend everyone is flipping out at me. Nathan isn't any different than Derek (concept wise). Why should I give up my best guy friends because I'm a girl? What sense does that make? I have girl friends. I don't have a million, but I have enough. I have at least three in my ward, and a bunch more at school. I don't see why I need more.

Why should I steal stuff just because someone else does it? That doesn't set me apart from them. Seeking revenge usually just makes you as low as the other person. Why would I want to be classed with someone like that? If I wanted to be like them, I'd steal ALL their stuff, not just my stuff back.

Since when have parents been able to say "well everyone is doing it."? Seriously. I thought MORMONS were raised better than that. I thought WE were the ones who were supposed to rise above and NOT do what EVERYONE else is doing. Isn't that why we wear shorts to our knees, shirts that cover our boobs AND shoulders, and keep our "temples" pure? I mean if "Everyone is doing it" is a legit excuse, then why do we even try to be different?

If kindergarten is where we're supposed to learn how to become civilized people then why aren't we civilized now? If this is how ALL adults are going to be, then why don't we just set children loose in a room and say "survival of the fittest!"? I really don't understand. I stick to what I was "conditioned" to do, and I'm punished by society. I do what society tells me to do, and I'm still punished by society.

Two Years Ago (poem)

You're that red shirt,
That I loved to wear.
You hugged me
and held me.
You fit perfectly.
You're those old jeans
That I loved so much.
Holes in the hems,
and stains in the knees.
You're those white shoes,
Blackened by time.
The ones that jingled with each step.
You're the clothes
from years gone by.
The ones I gave away,
'cause they don't fit anymore

About to get nerdy

Beware: This post is crazy nerdy! And sadly, it's what I think about in the shower sometimes.

To be a natural law theorist, you have to first be both a divine command theorist AND an existentialist...which if you think about is a contradictory. Divine command theorists believe that God has the ultimate say and that there is always a RIGHT and a WRONG for EVERYBODY. Existentialists are moral relativists in a sense. They believe shedding all paradigms and living as YOURSELF. It's funny how natural law theory is my favorite theory but it's such a contradiction when you break it down. Maybe that's why I'm always confused!

On a lighter, less nerdy note: I GOT THIRD OVERALL IN THE PHOTOSHOW! AND I GOT HONORABLE MENTION OVERALL!!

For every door that closes, another opens

Finals are finally finished! Holy freakin cow!!! I'm so so happy with that. Now I actually have time to do other things...like MORE HOMEWORK!! woo...

Graduation is in 29 days. That's 29 days to say goodbye to a lot of people. 29 days to plan for life outside of high school. 29 days to enjoy being in high school... only 29 days. It's somewhat sad. I've known a lot of these kids since kindergarten, now, after 13 years, it'll be all over. They'll be all gone! Yes, I know I'll make a lot of new friends in college, but the truth is... I never even got to know my old friends all that well. But it's too late now. We walk through that golden O (or through something for other schools) in less than a month. We move on in less than a month. one...month...

It's sad, but at the same time. It's super exciting. We're growing up. A new chapter is unfolding. We get to truly invent ourselves. I finally get to do what I want. I get to go make movies! I get to share things with people! Rachel gets to do what she wants! She'll get to be around a ton of annoying little kids all day! (jk, teaching elementary school is one of the greatest things a person could do with their life.) Brandy will get to share her music. Her magic will touch people and excite them. Same with Kayley. She'll get to spread her little musical wings and fly! Emily gets to go design houses--creating a chance for a family to form a home! Peter will get to go on his mission, then come back and rescue people. He'll finally get to truly (and literally) reach out to people to save them. It's amazing! All these doors open up to us as soon as we step through that O (or that other object)! All of our dreams will get to come true! Finally!

So bizarre

For those of you who don't know, I have a deathly fear of earthquakes. I almost had a melt down when Haiti was hit, then when Chile was hit I really freaked out. Then sadly Cali was hit and yea...I'm earthquake proofing my house this summer. Anyway, I hate earthquakes.

So the night before last (Monday night) I dreamed that I was on a cruise down eighth north. It was a REALLY bumpy ride because there was a storm coming (and this storm came with an earthquake because we could predict that kind of stuff). Our boat driver (who looked like he just got from an exploration of the jungle) told us to buckle up. I unfortunately didn't buckle up correctly. I was thrown from the cruise ship (which was like one giant canoe) and landed on my back in this massive field of dead grass. I looked up and there was a huge tornado. It was about three miles across. I got up and took off sprinting away from the tornado. I could tell it was headed south east, so I headed south west. Unfortunately it still got me. I curled up in a tiny ball and watched as everything around me got sucked into the massive funnel. thankfully I stuck to the ground. Even better, I woke up before the earthquake hit.

Then last night I dreamed that I was almost killed in a freak helicopter crash. I was standing on the lawn of the mortuary with mom and grandma when I heard a helicopter. It didn't sound right though. I looked up and there was this helicopter flying right at me...more like falling. It's blade on top wasn't spinning right. Mom and grandma were on the other side of the lawn and told me to run. I ran clearly out of the path. I was safe. Then the copter crashed. Pieces of it went EVERYWHERE. I unfortunately got caught in the debris. A piece of the blade went spinning into me and cut the side of my neck. My arms and legs were all completely thrashed from metal and pieces of glass. I called 911 but I passed out from lost of blood. I woke up five months later in the hospital. Grandma let me get this HUGE frozen yogurt in a waffle cone (which sounds really good right now). I would just be minding my own business when I would have flash backs from the copter incident. Thankfully I woke up.

I really hope I don't dream about a random tidal wave from Utah lake or something tonight...

*Cue Dramatic Music*

So I was thinking, wouldn't it be awesome if real life had music and sound effects such as those in "Sgt. Dead Head"? I think it would. I mean you have this constant orchestra playing some sort of song to fit your mood. The teacher says "Take out a sheet of paper--time for a quiz" so the orchestra plays dramatic music. Or you smack your head on something and you hear "BOOOOOING"! The best would be if you were swimming and the orchestra started playing the Jaws theme.

ocean

Waves dance across the open plane
Miles and acres of ocean tides
pushing and pulling

Red as blood,
Soft as baby's skin
Equally untouched

Polluted and confounded
Broken by one
Broken and torn and destroyed.

Dance waves, Dance.
Don't ever stop
The moon won't love you if you do.

Don't stop
You can't stop
Each red drop must move

STOP

SLR Baby!

I got my new DSLR! It's a simple one, just a little rebel xsi by canon, but i LOVE it! When we went to Park City yesterday I got a little snap happy. I took over 300 pictures. I deleted some when I got home, so I ended up with 277... I love it! I don't care what I'm taking pictures of, I just love taking pictures! I love the feel of the camera in my hands. It feels better than holding a pen does! The sound of the shutter click makes my heart race. Zooming and focusing on whatever I please sends shivers up my spine! I love it! I live for it! It sounds incredibly cheesy, but I do! I feel like I'm holding something magical. I want to go take pictures of everything. I want to snap away at the world. I want to share parts of my world with someone else. I want people to see things they don't see, or see things they do see but in a whole new light. I want to take a million pictures and hand them to a million people and ask them what it means to them. I want to take pictures of everything I see right now and put them in a box so that my kids' kids' kids' kids can see what I saw sitting on my bed sluffing school.

I really couldn't have asked for a better gift. Now I just need photoshop... and more lenses, and a studio, and a gallery, and a name that's easier to pronounce so that people can talk about my photos without getting hung up on my name... Baby steps though...baby steps.

Whoa

For the first time ever I read through the poems I wrote way back forever ago. I wrote them in 2007 apparently. I always thought it would drive me nuts to read things I've written, but surprisingly reading them didn't bother me too much. I saw a lot of places where I could change the poem to make more sense or sound better, but I liked them anyway.

I wrote them about people and events that were going on at that time. I don't remember most of them though. As I read them I pictured things happening now, or people I know now. All the poems I wrote about Danny from before apply better to Nathan. Or poems that I wrote about school and math class back then apply way better to my Ethics class or my English class. There are some from back then that I couldn't apply anywhere.

The one big thing I got from reading all this was an idea... for a wicked awesome addition to my story which I plan to make into a movie someday. =)

Poison

Dance,
in the wind of the future.
Swim,
in the wake of the past.
Open the gift we call the present
and carefully fill your glass.
Pick your poison,
Drink it slow.
Fade into eternal darkness
let it all go
Forget the world,
it left you here
to suffer, cry
and live in fear.
Let it burn down your throat.
Lay and sleep in your coat.
Fade, but never say goodbye
Fear, but never look away.

9 mondays left...

So in PE, Sheidi always tells us how many Mondays we have left. Today's count is 9... only 9 weeks left. I was sitting next to someone I've gone to school with since kindergarten. Then it hit me, this really is it. This is what we've been waiting for for 13 years...

It's weird to think that these kids you've grown up with will be gone and you probably won't see each other ever again. We've gone to school together since kindergarten, or seventh grade, or maybe even since our sophomore year... Now we only have 9 Mondays left together. 9 Mondays to suffer through. 9 Mondays to say goodbye. 9 Mondays to wonder what'll happen now. 9 Mondays to walk down the hall with friends and frenemies. only 9 Mondays.

Now that it's over. I kinda want it back...